Disintegration
by ALiquoriceWand
Summary: It was a slow progression at first this war they spoke of. Slowly breaking things down piece by piece leaving her stranded amongst the wreckage. Until he's there, helping her to navigate the path, and slowly she begins to find clarity. Somehow it always came back to them, perhaps it was inevitable. Lily/James
1. Prologue  One Final Test

**Prologue  
>One Final Test<strong>

"_I'm standing at the crossroads, Believe I'm sinking down."  
><em>_~Crossroads, Robert Johnson_

_10th June 1978_

"So Potter, what changed?"

For a moment Moody's question just hung in the air and the four of them sat in silence. James stared intently at the burn mark he had first noticed in Dumbledore's desk back in fifth year, and repeated the question to himself several times. After all, he reasoned it was impossible to know of what change Moody was referring. For to James it seemed as if everything had changed. He remembered saying to Lily on the last night of summer that he had never felt so different in a year but now he felt like a completely different person to back then. It hadn't necessarily been a quick transformation, but now, sitting here and looking back it was much more complex than one particular moment.

He glared once more at the mark. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on, or why he was here, but he had a feeling that this meeting was what he had been waiting for since last year. There was an air of anticipation from both sides of the large wooden desk, that drew him to the conclusion that it what was about the happen was probably more important than every single one of his NEWTs combined, and he had no intention of failing them, and so was definitely not going to fail this. Whatever this was.

He swallowed and looked up at Moody, "I'm sorry Sir but I'm not really sure what you mean."

Moody stared back at him and James resisted the urge to look away. He had met Alastor Moody on three separate occasions, the first when he was five, the second the previous summer and the final over Christmas. He had always seemed odd, not in the eccentric and slightly amusing way of Dumbledore, but of the more alarming kind that made you feel completely uneasy in his company. He was surprised he hadn't noticed more when he had given his testimony to the Aurors back in December but his mind had been a thousand places at the time. Sitting here however, with only a piece of oak to separate them, James decided that the intense sharpness with which he asked even the smallest of questions made him, there really was no other word for it, terrifying.

"I asked you what changed Potter? At what point did you stop hexing everyone with a green tie and start compiling this," he reached into the pocket of his cloak and pulled out tattered looking sheet of parchment but James recognised it instantly. The hours that he had spent cooped up in the library working on that parchment, he turned and looked at his father.

"I'm not sorry," Charlus Potter defended himself before James could say anything. "It's the reason you're here."

"One of the reasons," Dumbledore corrected, speaking for the first time since he had invited James to sit down. "But, yes, probably the most important."

"How long have you had this?" James asked Moody.

"Since last March," Moody replied.

James turned once more to look at his father, who merely smiled. "Nice to know my letters home were kept private."

"I asked if I could keep it?" Charlus reminded him softly.

"I didn't think you'd send it on."

"You shed," Charlus paused for a second, James knew him well enough to know it was just as much for dramatic effect as anything, "A different light on things."

"Do not underestimate how important this letter was to us James," Dumbledore told him. "Without meaning to you taught all three of us things that we were not aware of. You gave us a few answers that we had been looking for."

"Didn't get any of my own though," he said, smiling in the direction of his father.

"I said all in good time."

"And now?"

"I think you've worked a lot of it out for yourself, both correct and incorrect, and with help of course," Charlus replied. "But yes, you are going to find out a lot during the course of the next hour. We are going to ask many questions about what you know."

"What I know about what?"

"Voldemort." Chalus answer was clear and simple and James said nothing in response. "Then we are going to ask one final thing of you."

"Which is?" James asked.

Charlus held up a hand. "You've waited a year and a half since you wrote this," he indicated the parchment. "What's half an hour more."

"Ok," James nodded slowly.

"Can we begin?" Moody asked impatiently.

"Yes," Charlus unrolled a fresh piece of parchment in front of his and raised his quill. "You may begin?"

"So I asked you Potter," Moody turned to stare at him and James and James straightened himself up and stared back. "What changed to make you write this?" 

* * *

><p>Lily could feel the piece of parchment crisp against her palm as she walked down that now familiar corridor. She allowed herself a sentimental moment to consider that it could possibly be the last time she would walk this route, clutching the familiar small and precise summons that she had received fortnightly since the start of term. After all, being asked to the Headmaster's office was nothing new to her anymore, meetings with the Headmaster had come with the badge, but to be asked alone, or more accurately without James to accompany her, was a new development.<p>

They had received the notes just after their last exam yesterday, when Professor McGonagall herself had dropped it into her lap when collecting her Transfiguration paper. All she knew was that James and Hestia had also received one. James' meeting had be first, begun just after lunch, hers would follow and Hestia's after that. She had a suspicion that the other Marauders would follow Hestia but she had not dare ask them yet.

She turned the corner and couldn't help but smile as the nerves lifted a little in her stomach. Of course James would have waited for her, had he not been waiting for her all along. He was leaning casually against the wall looking at his watch as if he didn't have a care in the world. He smiled as she approached. "Fancy seeing you here," he greeted her. "Exactly five minutes early like clockwork," he grinned as he leant down and kissed her.

"Well?" she asked him, placing her hand in his. "What's going on? What was the meeting like?"

He considered her for a moment. "It was certainly interesting," he replied slowly lowering his voice.

"Interesting." She lowered her own to match his, "What's going on James?"

He looked about the corridor quickly before remembering his father's stern advice. He lent down, "Room of Requirement when you're finished," he whispered into her ear.

"James," she began, but he placed a finger to her lips. "Trust me," he told her, pushing her towards the office. "Sugar quills," he told the gargolye, waiting for a second before it obediently sprung aside to reveal the spiral staircase it concealed.

"Good luck," he muttered in her ear, before he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"James," she tried one last time, but he merely gave her another little push towards the stairs. "Go."

She looked at him one last time before turning to make her way up of the stairs. When she reached the top she paused, brushed down her uniform, straightened her skirt before she raised a hand to knock on the door. It opened nearly instantly.

"Charlus," she exclaimed.

"Not who you were expecting," he grinned at her, standing aside to let her in.

"Not exactly. Why didn't James tell me you were here?" she replied, leaning up to hug him. He looked tired Lily thought to herself. Charlus Potter had always looked his age, but both he and Anna had always carried an air of youthfullness about them nonetheless. Yet since Christmas the bags around Charlus' eyes had become more prominent even behind his glasses, and his hair seemed greyer than before.

"He wasn't aware himself until an hour ago," he kissed her on the cheek. "How are you Lily?"

"I'm very well, thanks. Anna and yourself?"

"Good, good," he told her. She allowed herself one final glance at him, making a note to be careful how she approached it with James, as Dumbledore walked towards them.

"Sorry to have bothered you today Lily, I'm sure you have much better things to be doing, celebrating for one."

"It's no problem," she replied as she followed the two of them into Dumbledore's office.

"Lily," Charlus began, and it was the first time that Lily had noticed the lone figure sitting behind the desk. He hair was all over the place, and he looked as if he had forgotten to shave for the last few days as a scraggy beard was growing over his face, yet his eyes were sharp and the cane that was placed to the left of him somehow made him seem more severe than weak. It was impossible not to recognise his face, from both that night back in December and the recent articles about his promotion. "I'd like you to meet Alastor Moody, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

Moody stood up with a start and shoved a hand in her direction. She took it. "It's nice to meet you Sir."

"Likewise Evans," Moody responded gruffly. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Take a seat Lily," Dumbledore told her coming to her side. "Let's not keep you any longer than we have to on this glorious day." He indicated the plush armchair that Lily had sat on during her meetings with Dumbledore this year and she took it quickly.

There was a moment of silence as Charlus adjusted the papers in front of him and Dumbledore conjured her a glass of water and refilled his own. Lily's glanced around the office quickly but her eyes seemed unable to leave Moody for long, who was staring at her intently as if trying desperately to work something out, whatever this was though Lily was highly unsure.

"I've been warned not to underestimate you Evans," Moody spoke at last. "Apparently you could prove to be a most useful asset."

"May I ask what for, Sir?" she replied calmly, taking a small sip of water.

"What would be you guess?" he lent forward and took a sip of what Lily was sure was Firewhisky from his own glass.

"I suppose," she began, before pausing slightly, "If it's not to presumptuous to say, it has something to do with the Order to the Pheonix."

Moody's eyes widened quickly, and he swallowed the Firewhisky with difficulty as he stared at her, whether he was impressed or about to hex her Lily couldn't quite tell. A small, smug smile came across Charlus face and he lent back in his seat. "You were told you not to underestimate Alastor," Charlus told Moody as he grinned at Lily.

"How in Merlin's name, girl-" Moody began.

"I imagine we were made known to Lily late last year," Charlus explained quickly, giving Lily a reassuring smile, encouraging her to continue.

"Some of you were there, back in December," Lily told Moody calmly.

"No one that wasn't part of the Ministry," he interrupted her.

"A few that weren't on duty that night. Kingsley Shakleholt for one. Alice Longbottom another. They directed Sirius out of the building but wouldn't accompany us, something that Alice didn't seem to happy about. They told us they would meet us at the hospital and Kingsley asked Sirius if possible not to speak until they got there. Why didn't they just accompany us to St Mungos all along, unless they were trying to hide the fact that they were there."

Moody lay his hands down on the table for a second. "You were in a lot of pain that night Evans," for a moment Lily saw something else, perhaps compassion flick across his face. "I saw you when Sirius Black carried you out and I was the one alongside Kingsley who took his testimony."

"It didn't occur to me until afterwards," she admitted. "I thought about that night a lot in the weeks that followed and it was easier to try and piece the puzzle of what had been happening around me together than to focus on what I was going through. Had gone through," she corrected herself quickly, although she noted Charlus' gaze flick down to the table and she considered that he knew at least pieces of what had happened between her and James following that night.

Dumbledore raised a hand. "Let's start from the beginning shall we Alastor."

Moody was still staring at her, and she wondered if perhaps she had impressed him. "Fine," he muttered, although his tone suggested that he would have much rather continued down this line of questioning. Lily braced herself for what was about to come. "Evans I want to talk to about last school year, February to be precise, you had a run in with Lawrence Mulciber and Michael Avery."


	2. Chapter One: A Lesson in Darkness

**Chapter One  
>A Lesson In Darkness<strong>

_"I've got this feeling that there's something that I missed"  
><em>_~ Snow Patrol, Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking_

_14th February 1977_

"A Mudblood like yourself should know better than to be out wandering alone. After all, you don't have Snape to protect you anymore Evans."

They circled in front of her, black cloaks flickering out behind them with every movement. Their piercing eyes focused on her, waiting like vultures for the only thing they wanted, to see her break.

Mulciber held her wand up in front of her face, his thin fingers twisting it this way and then that. His eyes teasing with every movement but she continue to look into the distance, refusing to flinch. The graze of the pavement was stinging her left hand and side, and the small trickle of blood from their initial strike had now run its way down to the bottom of her cheek, leaving behind a heavy, sticky feeling on her skin but she refused to reach up and wipe it. Instead she returned to staring aimlessly into the distance waiting for their next move.

Yet, it seemed that they were as unsure as she as to what was to come next. The small immodest side of her was forced to acknowledge that they had probably not expected to catch her off-guard as they did and, consequently, had not planned further than the initial attack. So, to bide the time, they would play on the only thing that had the potential to affect her every time. Severus.

"You see we always knew he'd come to his senses. We were just biding our time until he realised that you were just another useless little Mudblood."

"You don't know anything about it," she spat angrily, momentarily forgetting her earlier decision to stay silent.

"Don't I?" Mulciber questioned her. "You see, I know a lot more about it than you think. Wake up mudblood, don't you read the Prophet, we might as well be at war now and everyone has to pick a side. Did you really think he was going to pick yours?"

She paused slightly, struggling to regain her composure, had everything become as black and white as war, the good side and bad side. She refused in Severus' case to believe the lines were that clear let alone already drawn. "If you honestly believe," she warned him, her voice as strong as she could manage, "That he's going to follow you blindly then you still have a lot to learn."

Her words triggered something in Mulciber and suddenly it was as though he finally realised that she was at his mercy and a small smile teased his pale, drawn face and he spun her wand quickly around his fingers once more. "Hear that Avery," he told the blonde to his left who had remained silent throughout the exchange hands stuffed in his pockets as he watched the exchange with a mingled curiosity. "She thinks we have a lot to learn about Severus. Maybe we should show her what he taught us yesterday."

Avery nodded, finally accepting his cue, 'Tell us Mudblood," he spoke at last. "Did you know how many dark curses he knew?"

She didn't respond, her mind momentarily captured by their words. Lying would make her seem ignorant and foolish. To admit the truth would be to admit they were right. For she had known from the beginning of his addiction to the darkest of magic, an obsession that was both impressive and petrifying, for she had always known that the knowledge he sought would be lethal in the wrong hands.

'Or how many he is learning?" Avery continued, his confidence growing as he realised how they had her both physically and metaphorically back into a corner.

'Or perhaps you'd rather we showed you," Mulciber sneered. "Perhaps that would jog your memory?"

The two exchanged a glance and Avery drew his wand. For a moment Lily could have sworn she saw fear flash into his eyes, however, it was instantly replaced with anticipation as he tightened his grip around the wand's end. Still Mulciber held hers, suspended between his thumb and forefinger letting it rock gently. All three pairs of eyes turned to watch it as it slowly came to still. Mulciber raised his arm, and with a final vindictive smile in Lily's direction flung her wand behind him without a glance. He waited, until he heard the sound of wood collide with the pavement before his smiled turned into a cunning and satisfied grin. "Ready for your lesson Mudblood. For there are a lot of things I know about dear Severus that you don't."

Lily closed her eyes, her teeth biting the inside of her mouth in a determined attempt not to cry out at whatever came next.

"Hey," a shout sounded in the distance, and her teeth relaxed as her eyes shot open to look up and see the familiar cause. Mulciber and Avery did not turn, knowing just as much as Lily had whose yell that was, and the pair of them sprinted off over the fields without a backwards glance.

A little to Lily's surprise Remus reached her first, kneeling down beside her. "What happened?" he asked breathlessly.

"They just corned me. Took my wand before I even saw them coming," she added glancing around the pavement.

"Here," James arrived at her side holding out her wand. "Took off somewhere into the forest the bastards."

"Thanks," she moved to stand up but Remus put a gloved hand on her shoulder.

"Just wait a second. Are you sure you're not hurt? How badly did they try and curse you?"

She shook her head as she looked at him. "Nothing major. They seemed to be here more for the chat than anything else."

"What did they want to talk about?" James asked sitting down beside her.

She hesitated for a second. "Nothing new. Just the same crap they've been repeating for years."

He nodded, glancing a Remus. "Are you sure you don't want to go to Madame Pomfrey for that cut?" the latter asked, she finally reached up and touched and the sticky trickle which had reached her chin.

"Oh no. I'm fine I promise. I'd rather just go to the village and enjoy the rest of my day. They want me to go running scared I'm won't give them the satisfaction."

The two boys exchanged another look, before Remus hesitantly agreed. "Ok. We should mend that cut though," he told her, "You're better at healing spells than me," he added looking at James.

James drew out his wand and raised it towards her face. "You mind?" he asked.

"I'm sure you've had practice," she muttered, raising her eyebrows at him.

He smiled. "By that I'm going to assume you mean Quidditch," he joked, although it was impossible to ignore his awkwardness as swished his wand across the cut in a quick precise movement.

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling a tissue out of her pocket to wipe her cheek. She smiled as she her fingers stroked the repaired skin before she held her grazed hand out to him. "This as well?" she asked him, and with another swish of his wand the graze began to heal. "You should probably go to Pomphrey to check it when we get back, not as good with grazes," he admitted sheepishly, beginning to brush a small patch of mud on her cloak to avoid reaching her eyes.

She looked at her hand, "It's good," she reassured him. "Thanks. The two of you don't mind if I walk into the village with you? I'm meeting Lauren in The Three Broomsticks."

"Not at all," James replied as Remus added, "The more the merrier." He held his hand out to help her up. She took it awkwardly and rose to her feet. She brushed down her robes, grateful that it had been a dry day, and tucked her now retrieved wand back inside of them.

They walked in silence the rest of the way into the village. James had made a futile attempt at small talk but for once his heart didn't seem to be in it and he gave up leaving each of them to their own thoughts. She hadn't realised how cold it was until they began to walk, and she pulled her coat tighter across her chest, as a bitter wind wipped about her cheeks. Remus kept shooting her sideways glances but she didn't notice. He gave her another glance, before looking at James, who was walking with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

Had her mind been focused she too would have noticed the awkwardness of the sitiuation. However, her mind was still distracted by Avery's words. Had Snape finally choosen their side. Of course she knew of his obsession with Dark Magic and of the pressure he had been under from others in his house but was he now the one teaching new spells to bully people like her. She wondered if her refusal of his apology had tipped him over the edge. After all, had she not openly accused him of becoming a Death Eater, and had he not denied it.

The word was unforgivable, she told herself for the hundreth time, as was the way he treated other Muggleborns. They had not spoken all summer. She had spent most of the time cooped up inside the house with her Dad, aside from a two week stay with Lauren, grateful to be able to avoid both Severus and Petunia, who had spent the majority with Vernon Dursley, her newest boyfriend whom her sister had met in the Spring. Then came the September 1st, then autumn, then Christmas, and now months later she had resided herself to the fact that they would might never speak again.

The village was full. Being the first Hogsmead visit of the Spring Term it seemed everyone, students and professors, had decided to take a break. She glanced at a fourth year couple she knew to be Slytherins sitting side by side on a bench laughing. The way she blushed as he placed an arm around her and the hesitation of his moves as he relaxed his head on top of hers showed it was their first date. Had Avery been right, she wondered bitterly, had the time come when there could no longer be innocent bystanders and everyone was forced to pick their side? Had that couple, so innocent in their initial teenage years, already picked their side? Surely, she thought to herself, everyone had more time.

The Three Broomsticks was naturally crammed, yet Rosmerta, the young barmaid that had only taken over the running of the pub a year before, glanced up and waved at James as they entered. He winked in return heading to the bar leaving Remus and Lily search for Lauren.

They found her in a booth, flicking through the Daily Prophet a look on her face showed obvious annoyance at whatever she was reading. She looked up with a frown as they approached her, "Nice of you to finally join me," she muttered sarcastically at Lily, folding the paper.

"Sorry," Lily replied squeezing herself into the opposite side of the booth.

Lauren looked at Remus for a second, who was hovering awkwardly by the edge of the table and then back to Lily, "What's going on?" she asked. She moved along so Remus could take a seat beside her. Tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear she frowned at them both. "Well?"

Lily began slowly to tell the whole story until the moment when Remus and James had turned up. Lauren sat and listened, reaching her hand across the table in an attempt to grab Lily's, but Lily used her movement as a chance to steal the paper, leaving Remus to continue the story alone. She turned it round so she could see the headline, _'Ministry Appeal For More Information Over Auror Disappearances.' _A sick feeling began to rise in her throat.

"We should report it," Lauren declared angrily. "Let's go now and find McGonagall."

"What's the point?" Lily asked, her eyes scanning the article. One question kept repeating itself over and over in her head: was this really a war?

"What don't you report it?" her friend urged. "Neither you or Mary ever report it. You take it and they get away with it again and again."

"Because there's no point," Lily replied, the conversation was getting old, her eyes still reading the Prophet. "They might get a detention and that doesn't mean anything to them."

"But why isn't Dumbledore expelling them?" Lauren continued.

"Because he can keep an eye of them in Hogswarts," James replied, he had returned to table carrying four Butterbeers, he placed them down and passed one to Lily. "Here you go."

"Thanks," she replied, not quite meeting his eyes, now the shock had worn off she could feel the tension between them. They had not had a conversation since after the Defence exam last May. Both of them were too embarrassed to raise the subject and it seemed somehow a mutual agreement had been reached that it was simply easier to ignore the other instead. He was stung by the rejection. She was embarrassed by what she had said to him, he was arrogant yes, he bullied yes, but he hadn't deserved some of it. The unspoken truth was that she felt stupid for letting him get under skin, for him to only let her down once again.

He sat down and took a sip of his drink. "They can push it but only so far." His voice was quieter than Lily had ever heard it, as he chose his words carefully and she finally looked up at him. He looked older than she had ever seen him, and it struck how, from behind the glass, his eyes betrayed everything he was trying so carefully to mask. "But outside who knows what they'll be trained to do." He indicated the article Lily was still holding. "They're everywhere."

Lauren snatched the paper back from Lily, knocking some of her drink onto the table. "Its bollocks," she muttered.

"Maybe," Lily told them. "But Avery seemed quite sure we'd find our answers in there," she indicated the paper. "Asked me if I read the Prophet."

"He asked you if you read the Prophet?" James asked curiously.

Lily nodded as she took a sip of her drink.

"Who cares what that sod thinks," Lauren mutted, raising her tankard and taking a long slug.

Silence took over the table as they drank. Lily was at a loss of what to say. She looked up at James but he was looking around the pub as if searching for something. Remus finished his drink and put it down on the table and James quickly followed suit. "We should get going," he said, dusting the front of his robes.

Remus nodded turning to Lily. "You sure you're alright?"

"Of course. Thank you both for your help but please go and enjoy your day. I'm sure you have supplies you need to be getting," she hoped she had managed to keep the disapproval out of her voice. "Have a nice day," she added with a smile.

The boys nodded and turned to leave the pub, James continued to look about him. "Oh and Potter," she called after him. "Please let it go," his eyes bore into hers for a second but she refused to look away. "Please," she repeated. "You can't do anything about it."

He broke away from her gaze and seemed to be fighting an inner struggle before he slowly nodded.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>He glanced up and down the main street of Hogsmeade once more, but there was still no sign of them. A small group of what James' recognised to be Hufflepuff fifth years had congregated at the towards the far end, where the path began to snake up to Hogwarts, and he glared at them through the glass for blocking his view to the rest of the village. Of course he knew that they were both long gone, probably back in their Common Room now laughing and joking with friends about the whole incident. The thought made him clench his hand tighter still around the wand inside the pocket of his robes.<p>

"Prongs," he turned to see Remus staring at him, holding several packets up to his face. "How many Dungbombs did Padfoot want?

"Can't remember," James shrugged, returning his gaze to the window. "Get him a couple of packets for now."

'You want anything?" Remus pressed.

"Nope, not really," he replied, turning again in the direction of the Three Broomsticks as Remus continued to hover beside him. "And whatever you want to say Moony do us both a favour and just say it," he told him.

"You're not seriously going to go after them are you?"

"I said I wasn't, didn't I," he responded.

"Technically you didn't say anything, you just nodded."

"Same thing.".

"Yet you've been staring out the window ever since we got in here and rather forcefully at Lucy Robinson."

He turned away to face Remus, "Who?"

"The brunette you're giving the death glare to for the last five minutes, she's Lucy Robinson, a Hufflepuff prefect," Remus clarified.

"Perhaps Hogsmead is just losing its charm," he countered stubbornly, lowering his voice to a whisper. "We don't exactly limit our visits to Hogsmead weekends now do we?"

Remus smiled. "True, but either way I think you need to let it go."

"I'm sick of school," he muttered, taking the packets from Remus' hand and strolling to the counter, picking up a few items as he weaved his way through the masses of students who had flocked to the shop.

"They weren't all Padfoot's, some of those were mine," Remus pointed out, indicating the pile that was forming in James' arms as they reached the queue for the till.

"I won't get you a birthday present or something," he answered quickly knowing it was a pointless lie, before continuing as though he had never been interupted. "I mean what is the point of turning of age this year if we can't actually do anything with it."

"If you can't go after Mulciber without getting detention for it you mean."

"Yeah, getting detention is definitely my worry here," he sighed. "I just want to do something other than homework."

"You're spending time on homework now?"

James shot him a look. "I mean there's a whole world outside, a world that is apparently falling apart and the only responsibility anyone gives us it to report it to a member of staff who will, and I quote from my last session with McGonagall, handle it accordingly."

"So do that?" Remus offered lamely.

"What's the point?" He rested his products on the countered and pushed a frustrated hand through his hair. "It'll go to their Head of House and Slugy won't do anything about it will he?"

"Oh I don't know about that," Remus objected. "He loves Lily, she is his favourite pupil. He might do more than you give him credit for."

"And potentially ruin his contacts, he has his favourites sure but he also understands the importance of wizarding surnames."

"It's gets you out of detention often enough."

Before James could retort the sales woman began cashing up their good and he reached inside of his robes for change.

"There is something you can do about it," Remus reminded him casually as they left the shop. "It might not seem like anything but you can kick their arse at Quidditch next week. Remember you're all that stands between Mulciber winning the cup in his last year. You might want to focus your efforts on that rather than seeking revenge for Lily."

There it was. The words that James had been half waiting for with nervous anticipation, although he wasn't sure if this was because he didn't want to talk to Remus about it or didn't want to think about the fact full stop. "Do you want to go anywhere else?" James asked as they stepped outside, he checked his watch. "Padfoot and Pete should be out of detention by now."

Remus checked his own watch, Filch would surely not have let them out of detention before midday. "Um, not really. Perhaps we should head back," he agreed anyway.

"And I'm not seeking revenge _for _Lily," James added as they began making their way back up the path.

"I'm sorry?"

"You said that I needed to seek revenge for Evans well I don't. I want to find him because he's an arsehole and a bully who seems to be getting away with it because no one is saying anything. He can't go around getting away with this shit just because his parents happen to both have been wizards and hers weren't, it's not right. I'd want to go after them whoever they'd been hexing."

"But it was Lily," Remus reminded him.

"It doesn't matter who it was," he replied evenly. "I'd still want to hex their heads off."

"Exactly," Remus countered fairly. "And yet you haven't gone after them. Sure you've spent half an hour gazing the streets of Hogsmead for them but you could have gone after them by now. You could have gone over the fields after them an hour ago but you didn't."

"Moony, I'm really not sure what you're saying."

"Aren't you?"

"Not really, no."

"As you said not getting detention is the least of your worries so why haven't you gone after them?"

He considered it for a second. "So you want me to go after them now."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Since when have you not done something because I didn't want you to do it? I've told you plenty of things are bad ideas in the past and you've done them anyway."

"That's usually because you're either wrong, being a pansy, or a prefect, you can take your pick," James replied with a smirk.

Remus rolled his eyes again, "And you're still avoiding the question," he pointed out.

James looked at him. "She asked me not to," he admitted.

Remus said nothing just nodded.

"No more smart remarks about it Moony."

"I thought it was a taboo topic to be honest," Remus told him. "I mean after that day, the Defense Exam, I figured you were done and we weren't to speak of it."

"Nothings taboo," he shoved his hands in his pockets. "It never stopped Pads anyway."

"Subtlety never was his strong point."

"True."

"It's not yours either," Remus reminded him, "Which brings us back to the point at hand."

James sighed. "Look, what happened, well," he frowned slightly. "She said her piece and I heard her loud and clear. I'm letting it go."

"Letting it?"

"Seriously Moony, grammar technicalities now. It's like having a conversation with my mother."

"You're not correcting it."

"There's nothing to correct."

"Ok."

They walked in silence for a few minutes. "Sometimes I hate you Moony," James mumbled.

* * *

><p>"And then," Mary was saying, the Gryffindor sixth-year girls dormitory hung with a silent expectation, "Well," she blushed heavily and began to fumble with the duvet, "Well, then he kissed me." Finally she gave into temptation and sunk her head into the covers.<p>

"You kissed," Bertha squealed clapping her hands, while Hestia and Lauren punched the air. Mary nodded slowly looking up a little from the duvet, her cheeks still burning bright red. "Oh I so knew it."

All five girls had flung themselves onto Mary's bed the she had arrived back from Hogsmead for the breakdown of her date, her first ever Hogsmead date to be precise, with Simon the Hufflepuff, who she'd silently fancied since they were paired together in a fourth year Ancient Runes project. The evidence of which was the mass of clothes, hair and beauty products that were now strewn about the dormitory on every surface and now ignored thanks to the more pressing matter of the post-date breakdown. "And?" Bertha pressed, leaning forward slightly.

"And, what?" Mary asked quickly, turning so she could hide slightly behind her long blonde hair.

Hestia rolled her eyes from the position at the head of the bed, where she had been considering an Every Flavoured Bean with great care. "And what?" she repeated incredulously, putting the bean back in the box. "And, what's happening now? Are you two officially dating?"

"Are you his girlfriend?" Bertha shot in.

"I think so," Mary mumbled blushing even brighter. "I mean, yes I suppose I am. We're meeting up tomorrow in the library to study. We have that Runes test on Tuesday."

"Romantic," Lauren grinned whilst Bertha clapped her hands excitedly once more.

"Oh, leave her alone," Lily smiled.

Lauren lent forward and gave her a hug. "Its so great Mary, we're so happy for you. Anyway," she turned to Bertha, "Don't think you're getting off easily, how was your day?"

Bertha gave a small shudder. "I think Michael and I are meant to be just friends. It'll be better for all parties."

"We warned you," Hestia told her.

"Oh, then we should have warned you. The guy is such a bore."

"He's not that bad," Mary and Lauren interjected.

"Please, even Lily said you'd have a more intellectual conversation with a piece of wood."

"I was not that harsh," Lily argued defensively.

"Yes you were," Hestia reminded her. "After you got stuck talking to him at Slughorn's Christmas party, you remember, when you were trying to avoid Snape. I think the punch may have loosened your tongue but still those were your words."

"The punch shouldn't have had the ability to loosen my tongue," Lily pointed out.

Hestia shrugged. "You should be grateful it did, could you imagine having to deal with it sober."

"Exactly," Bertha agreed. "I could have done with done with some of that punch. Well, I would have settled for boring conversation instead of no conversation. I mean seriously a plank of wood might have had more to say." She leant over and took the box of sweets from Hestia.

"I'd be careful," Hestia warned her, "Lily apparently chooses the box with all the weird flavours in."

Lily looked up from yesterday's Prophet. "They're _Every_ Flavoured Beans," she pointed out. "They're supposed to be weird. It's sort of the point."

"So by friends you mean?" Lauren asked Bertha, ignoring Lily and Hestia.

"Someone that I will acknowledge in the corridors and who might prove useful to copy homework off occasionally."

This time it was Lily who rolled her eyes as Mary exclaimed, "That's mean."

"Harsh but true," Bertha replied as Hestia nodded in agreement.

"At least he's not terrible to look at."

Bertha shook her head. "I don't need eye candy are you lot forgetting Sirius Black is in our class. Speaking of," it was the opening she had been waiting for. "I heard he's got a bit of a thing for the Head Girl."

"Dorcas?" Lily asked.

"Apparently."

Lauren laughed. "Oh let it be true. Please let it be true. Could you imagine _him_ dating the Head Girl it would just be too perfect for words."

"And I thought James liking Lily was stretching the trouble-makers," Bertha mumbled.

"Oh speaking of," Hestia looked at Lily. "I saw him in the library this afternoon, before I thought anyone would have been back. He asked after you, said he'd better let you explain why though. I nearly forgot about it."

"Oh, Lily waved her hand. "It was nothing don't worry about it."

Lauren who had been absent-mindedly fiddling with Mary's hair looked up with a start. "It was not nothing. It was a pretty big something actually."

"Can we not make this a bigger deal than it has to be," Lily asked. "Please."

"Make what a bigger deal than it has to be?" Bertha asked, watching as Lauren and Lily stared at each other with equal amounts of indignation.

"Lily," Mary asked softly. "What happened?"

Lily shook her head. "How much did Potter tell you?" she asked Hestia.

"Not much. Just asked if you were back yet and I said I hadn't seen you. Don't know what he was doing in the library but he seemed to have something pretty big on his mind. He didn't even mention the Slytherin game and that's all he's been able to talk about for nearly a month now."

Lily sighed heavily. "Can you lot please promise not to over react?"

"That depends on what you're going to say," Hestia responded, but still she nodded slowly.

"I was already running late to Hogsmeade," Lily told them. "I realised I still had that Charms book that was meant to be back to the library on Thursday but Mary was going to be late for her date so I said I'd just walk in when I'd been to the Library and meet Lauren in the Three Broomsticks but then I got distracted in the Common Room talking to Chris about his healer application. Anyway, by this time most people were in the village and there was no one really walking down from Hogwarts. As I was walking along the path I got hexed by Muliber. He was with Avery. It wasn't that bad, their initial hex had cut my face and they had my wand but they didn't seem to know what they were doing to be honest. I don't think they'd followed me or anything," she added. "Just that they'd seen me and thought why the hell not, they never really need an excuse for these things." She felt a regret at saying this and stopped when she caught the nervous look on Mary's face.

"Oh my-"

"Are you alright?"

"You've told McGonagall right?"

"How did James know this?"

Bertha and Hestia's questions came at Lily all at once. "No I haven't told McGonagall," she told Bertha. "Let's be honest what's the point? She can't do anything about it unless she sees it and it's just my word against theirs."

"But your word is pretty reliable."

"Irrelevant, whose word it is. It's still mine against theirs."

"But hang on," Bertha interrupted before Hestia could argue. "If you haven't told anyone, I mean we didn't even know, how did James know?"

"I was getting to that bit." She shot a look at Hestia and she feel silent to hear the rest. "He was coming into the village with Remus, don't know why it was just the two of them but it was. Potter just yelled something and Mulciber and Avery scarpered. Perhaps they were just surprised someone else was around or they couldn't be bothered to take on Potter, I don't know but they just ran off. Potter healed my cut and he and Remus walked me to the village. So, I'm fine," she concluded quickly, although her voice betrayed the fact that she was trying to convince herself of this just as much as the others. "Everything was fine in the end we all had a drink in the Three Broomsticks and everyone went about the rest of their day as if nothing had happened."

"But something did happen," Lauren reminded her. "A pretty big something," she repeated Hestia's words with a nod in her direction. "So everything is most certainly not fine."

"This is why I didn't want to tell you, can we please try not to make this worse?"

"Ok sure, but what happens if Potter and Lupin aren't there next time, how far are we going to let them go before we say something."

Hestia looked at Lily, "Lauren's right, you can't keep letting them get away with this."

"I've already told you it's-"

"But," Hestia and Lauren interrupted.

"There's no use," but it was not Lily who spoke these words and the four girls turned to stare at Mary who had finally spoken. "Lily's right, there's no use. We've tried reporting it and it makes no difference. To be honest it seems to spur them on. It's not fair and it's not right but there is nothing we can do about it."

The dormitory fell into silence, as each of the five girls were left to their thoughts. Lily and Mary were refusing to meet anyone else's eyes while Lauren and Hestia were staring at each other as though both daring the other to argue. "Wait," Bertha exclaimed. "Did you say you and Potter had a drink."

Lily looked up. "Yeah, in the Three Broomsticks," she said, not sure where this was going.

"Wow," Bertha said. "I bet that was awkward."

"Oh yeah," Lauren agreed with a nod. "You could cut the tension with a knife. Between the whole hexing and the fact it was Lily and James and the conversation that was mostly about the treatment of potential Death Eaters who may or may not be trained to kill us all, it was probably the most uncomfortable drink I've have since, well, ever really. After all, I don't think I've seen you and James together since," she paused, whether to actually consider an answer or for dramatic effect Lily wasn't sure. "It's been a while," she finished lamely.

"Yeah it has."

"Well he used to be around rather a lot," Bertha reminded them with a smile. "I guess it was-"

"After the Defence exam," Lily finished lamely. "Yeah I know."

"Honestly," Hestia's eyes shot up to her, Lily noted she had been fixed on arranging Mary's hair. What had happened last summer between Lily and James was a conversation she tended to steer clear of at all costs. "But that was like over six months ago. You haven't spoken to him in that long."

Lily shook her head. "It wasn't like we were close friends before," she reminded them, not entirely sure why she felt the need to defend herself.

"Not like Snape," Bertha pressed.

"No, not like Severus." What had happened between Lily and Severus was a conversation she tried to avoid at all costs.

"But that's different," Hestia pointed out. "I mean sure you two were close but only because you chose to be. You and James are in the same house. You have mutual friends, the same classes, actually aren't you the only two Gryffindors taking Arithmacy," Lily nodded, "And yet you haven't spoke."

"Not really no." There was silence for a moment. "But we need to."

"You do?" she asked inquisitively.

Lily nodded. "Just to say thanks. I mean it could have been a lot worse if they hadn't turned up."

Hestia gave her a weird look, before grabbing the box of sweets back. "Enough of this talk. Tell us more about your date Mary," she teased, watching as her friend's blush rose once more.

* * *

><p>"Lily," the whisper came out the dark from the bed next to hers. "I know you're awake I can hear you tossing and turning."<p>

"I'm awake," she whispered, rolling onto her back and placing her hands behind her head. A few seconds later she heard a quick padding of feet and a weight at the end of her bed, and someone drawing the hangings around them. "Lumos," Hestia muttered into the darkness, the soft light from her wand reflecting off the hangings and casting the bed in a strange red glow.

"You ok?" Lily asked her.

"Yeah," she replied quickly, just some things on my mind that's all. "You?"

"It's been a strange day."

Hestia nodded, pulling Lily's dressing gown that had been discarded at the end of the bed around her shoulders and over her Falmouth Falcon pyjamas. She tucked her bobbed brown hair under the towelled hood "It has."

"I still can't believe you spent Hogsmeade hiding in the library."

"I was not hiding," she defended. "I was avoiding an unnecessary confrontation."

Lily raised an eyebrow at her.

"Some Valentine's weekend," Hestia muttered bitterly tucking her feet underneath her.

"It could have been worse," Lily reminded her. "Hestia," she leant her head back and stared at the hangings above the bed. "How did everything end up like this?"

Hestia shook her head. "I don't know."

"Please be careful Lily." She seemed to be picking her words extremely carefully. "What happened last summer shook him up more than you realised. Things had been strained between the boys all year, I think it had something to do with whatever James saved Snape from, James won't tell anyone the details, but something snapped in him after the OWLs. I don't know what exactly but I think you really hurt him."

"I didn't mean to."

"I know," Hestia told her. "It's just that you seemed to be warming towards him after all those rumours with Snape and I think he thought he might have finally had a shot with you but he screwed it up."

"I-"

"You defended him to Severus," Hestia reminded her, before she could argue.

"Yes, but," she paused considering it. She had defended him, something she often regretted admitting to Hestia. She had called Severus ungrateful for badmouthing him, of course she had followed it by agreeing with the sentiment that he was an arrogant bully but they had been empty words said as an immediate reaction, yet she had been forced to reconsider them. After all, he had shown a different side to himself and since he had saved Severus' life, the circumstances of which still remained firmly clouded in mystery although she could not shake off the impression that it had had something to do with Remus, they had been growing closer. It was ever so subtle, something that would not have been noticed by any outsiders perhaps but it was still there and slowly she had began to try and get to know him. It had taken the majority of the summer to allow herself to accept that the reason she had been so upset that day is that she had finally started to look at James in a different light for him to go and regress right back the bully that Severus had always demanded that he was. This time using her a trade off in this stupid feud of theirs which seemed never ending. She remembered his words, _Go out with me Evans and I'll never set a wand on old Snivellus again_. "I thought he was changing."

Hestia shook her head. "He might be growing up a little sure, but he's not changing, he hasn't changed. He saved Snape's life because that's who he is, not because he's becoming a better person. Sure he acts like a twat a great deal of the time and, yes, he's a troublemaker but he's not a bad person Lily." She sighed softly, "Look, I will never say what the two of them do to Snape is right but its not just James and Sirius. What's being going has been going on since first year and between all three of them. You have a tendency to get involved in things between them Lily. Its sort of what you do, or what you used to do."

"I shouldn't have needed to defend Severus in the first place."

"He knows this," Hestia implored. "Honestly, you might find it hard to believe but he knows it was wrong and that he made a mistake but it doesn't mean he's alright with what was said." She shrugged. "Look, I know you and Snape were friends but James really liked you and you knew that too. All I'm saying is Snape isn't innocent in this. He plays as good as he gets when it comes to hexing James and yet when James does it back you get so angry with him. Do you think Snape defends you and Mary to his friends but when James tried to defend you you rounded on him."

"Yes well I think I well and truly learnt my lesson that day."

Hestia let out a faint grimace. "I think you should talk to James, believe me it would be nice for you two to put everything behind you. All I'm saying is your words hurt him just as much as his actions hurt yours that day."

She sat in silence for a moment.

Lily nodded. "Do you think it's war Hestia?" she whispered the question, lowering her eyes to the duvet with the hope that she might not sure the fear in her eyes.

"It's starting to seem that way. I don't know much more than anyone else to be honest but Charlus, Potter, James' dad," she clarified quickly, "He seems to the think it has the potential to come to that. He's the only adult I know that'll ever really speak honestly about the whole thing, everyone else keeps telling us we're in school we're much too young, that we should finish our education and try not to let these things bother us until they have to."

"I miss first year," Lily muttered.

Hestia nodded and lay down on the bed.

"No drama, less homework, no responsibility."

"No boys," Hestia added.

Lily smiled. "No boys," she agreed.

"Is it really over," Hestia asked softly. "You and Snape?"

Lily sighed heavily, wondering whether or not she could finally bring herself to say the words out loud. "Yeah, it's really over." Hestia lent forward and placed her hand in hers. "Bloody Slytherin's," she muttered.

Lily looked at the maroon and gold bedspread and smiled. "Bloody Slytherins," she agreed.


	3. Chapter Two: A Victory of Sorts

**Chapter Two  
><strong>**A Victory of Sorts**

_The only thing that's on my mind is whose gonna run this town tonight  
><em>_~ Run This Town, Jay-Z_

_26th February 1977_

James swished his wand over the parchment and once again the players on the plan in front of him came to life, their stick figures acting out the formation that the team had spent six weeks practising, and he, thanks to some serious note taking during the Slytherin versus Ravenclaw game, and a small amount of spying on their practices, had spent even longer perfecting. He watched the dot labelled Lauren pass the Quaffle left to him, before receiving it back, then passing it right, receiving it back once more to put it in the bottom hoop. He ran a hand through his hair as the chasers on the parchment swapped positions, hopefully to prevent the keeper from focusing his defence on any one chaser or hoop. The stakes on this game were so much higher than any other the team would play this year. It was the game they had to win in order to win the cup, and James had heard the whispers in the Common Room loud and clear regarding the possibility that they could lose the cup for a second year in a row - the two years he had been captain.

On top of this he couldn't help but continually play the events of the previous Saturday over and over in his head and the subsequent conversation with Remus. He seemed to have seen Mulciber countless times since the weekend; the bastard appeared to be haunting him, as if goading him to act. Yet he did nothing and now Remus' words seemed to be playing on a constant loop in his mind. _'There is something you can do about it... You're all stands between Mulciber winning the cup in his last year... revenge for Lily.'_ Lily. He shook his head. "Focus," he muttered to himself, "You have a game to win."

He took of his glasses, and rubbed his eyes before picking up his wand. He pointed it at the glasses on the desk, muttered "Impervius," and settled them back on his noise. With a final glance at the parchment that was now ragged from constant alterations he curled it back up and, clutching it tightly in his hand, left the Captain's Office.

"Right then," he announced, as he entered the main changing room. He gestured to everyone before he took a step onto one of the benches he considered his teammates who gathered around him. "You don't need me to tell you the facts you know them. If we win today the likelihood is we will win the Cup. Short of a real stuff up against Ravenclaw but you saw them against Slytherin."

"Flattened," Robert Smith, the tallest and stockiest of his team, remarked, adding a swing of his Beater's bat for dramatic effect.

"Exactly," James agreed, looking slightly disgruntled with the interruption. "So this is _the_ game for us. We had a convincing win against Hufflepuff so it just needs to be a win of some kind. Now last year was a bit of a disappointment, but we were a new team back then," he observed them all as they looked back at him. He swallowed the thought that to lose would let them all down as well. "We're better this year, more experienced. Why do you think they had the schedule altered the cheating buggers? Because now they're the new team and they're scared of us, they know we're the best bloody team in this school. So let's go out there and show them because I'll be damned if Mulciber is getting his grubby, cheating hands on that trophy two years in a row."

"Here, here," Simon Milton confirmed, raising his bat which Smith joined in, the pair evidently thinking the speech over.

James raised his hand and they both stopped swinging mid air, lowering their bats slowly. James waited before he continued. "But I want to give you all something else to think about. Last Hogsmead weekend Mulciber and that stupid sixth-year tag along Avery decided to bully a Gryffindor Muggleborn on the way to Hogsmeade because apparently they're better than she is. You can decide which one it was for yourselves it doesn't really matter. Now I can't go after him. None of us can. What we can do is make sure that he doesn't win his last ever Quidditch Cup. Even if they have a better team than last year they still won't be as good as us. So please, dear Merlin, winning this thing is the only thing that stands between me duelling the bastard in the Great Hall so, for the sake of my education, let's go out there and show them that if you take on one Gryffindor the rest don't just lie down and take it. You take on them all."

He jumped down from the bench, as this team-mates clapped. "Hands," he ordered, and one by one all their hands made it into the circle. "For Gryffindor," he chanted.

"For Gryffindor," they repeated, drawing their hands out of the circle and each reaching for their brooms.

Hestia smiled at him. "Nice speech captain," she muttered, fixing her hair into a tight bun.

"I wasn't kidding," he muttered, through gritted teeth, picking up her broom and handing it to her. "Catch that damn snitch or I'm hexing him into next week."

* * *

><p>The players had not even made it onto the pitch but as she climbed the steps to get the best view Lily could feel the tension hanging heavily in the air. She made her way along the stands glancing around for Mary and Bertha regretting her decision to stop and talk to some fellow prefects for the place was packed full. This had always been the game of the year to watch but this year it stood for so much more. The rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin had been strong enough for generations yet recent events coupled with the knowledge that which ever team won this match would win the championship had made it all anyone could talk about for weeks. Hufflepuff's victory over Ravenclaw a few weeks previously in a match so riddled with clumsy mistakes had meant that even their own housemates had taken to donning red and gold for this occasion in the knowledge that the cup was going to one of these teams. Added to the natural aversion to Slytherin house in general was a great deal of bad feeling that they had managed to find an excuse for altering the schedule so that they had faced the easiest team first, allowing them greater time to practice before they faced the team that had come closest to them in last year's championships.<p>

"Lily," she turned to hear Dorcas Meadows, the Head Girl, calling her over.

"Hey," she exclaimed pushing her way pass a group of first years. "You haven't seen Bertha or Mary have you."

Dorcas shook her head, "Sorry."

"It's alright. I stopped to talk to someone and they vanished." She looked at her watch, "The game will start any second I'll probably spot them when everyone stops moving around," she cast her eyes around the pitch. "Never seen so much red and gold," she observed with a smile.

"Apparently we're the lesser of two evils," Dorcas responded adjusting her own Gryffindor scarf proudly.

"You mean we're the good guys against the evil," Chris, the Seventh year Gryffindor prefect, a tall, skinny blonde, who seemed to tower over anyone who came near him, shot in smiling at Lily. They were both wearing the customary red and gold scarves, huddled together under a Gryffindor flag.

"Something like that," Dorcas shrugged. "Either way if we win you can be damn sure we'll be punished for it."

"Well aren't you a little ray of sunshine this morning Dor," Chris mumbled, as Lily took a seat beside the blonde. She noticed Avery sitting across from her, his arm slung round the shoulders of a brunette, both of them decked out in Slytherin green.

"I heard about that," Dorcas told her, indicating Avery. "Hestia mentioned it. You should have reported it."

"Perhaps," she sighed. "I guess I've given up reporting it. Doesn't seem to make much difference."

"Still. You should do."

"You have to say that," Lily reminded her. "You're Head Girl, I'm pretty sure it's your job to make sure these things get properly reported."

"But still-" Dorcas began to argue before Chris cut across her.

"Let it go Dorcas." He turned to Lily. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," she admitted. "But I get the impression you two do."

Dorcas shook her head and frowned over in the direction of the Slytherin's. "There are a million things I would rather talk about than those bastards," she told her. "But I'm worried about you Lily. Hestia says these things keep happening to you and Mary."

"No more than everyone else," Lily replied levelly. "I mean we're Gryffindors which always put us in a worse position but still, Hestia just hangs around with us more than other Muggleborns."

Dorcas mumbled something under her breath and Chris laid a hand on her arm. "You can't save the world on your own Dor," he reminded her firmly.

She snorted at that. "Exactly, which is why I can't understand why Dumbledore landed me with a bloody Slytherin as the Head Boy."

"He's not as bad as the rest of them," Lily reminded her fairly. For whilst Marcus Cunningham was a Slytherin, from traditional pure blooded Slytherin stock, he at least had enough regard for school rules to not go around hexing every Muggleborn that came into his path. His sights were set on the upper echelons of the Ministry and thus reputations, even school ones, were everything.

"Perhaps but he won't punish them either," Dorcas said. "MacGonagall's been breathing down my neck about the prefects encouraging inter-house unity since the beginning of the year. A united front between Marcus and I should, in her opinion, help to stimulate such things."

Lily's mind floated to her own inter-house friendship and she scanned the crowd once again this time looking for Severus. She knew better than to look for long, he never came to these things if he could help it and today was probably no exception. In his eyes school was not for time wasting on things as trivial as sport. She had been thinking about him more in the last couple of days, in the two weeks since that day in Hogsmead. The words of Avery and Mulciber seemed on repeat in her brain. Was he really helping them now? He had always associated with the wrong kind, but, Lily was forced to defend he had been rather like Marcus Cunningham, associated with but never directly involved in, but had things really changed that much, was he now helping to curse people like her.

She thought back to the moment that had become the defining moment in the end of their friendship; after last years Defence exam. So many times she had been forced to consider that perhaps she had acted rashly that day. Would forgiving him have prevented this? She had hung behind in Potions every day for the last two weeks until yesterday Lauren had been waiting outside the room until she finally left. It's not your fault, she had been told. It was strange, going to one of the girls first now instead of Severus for advice, or whenever she wanted to swap homework or talk.

"Well, well, well, my dear and not so dear, fellow students..." the voice of Sirius Black interrupted her thoughts as the megaphone projected it loud and clear around the stands of the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch.

"Say what you want about the bloke," Chris observed, "He never fails us on Gryffindor spirit."

Lily couldn't help but smile as she looked down. Sirius' head was barely visible from under the layers of Gryffindor scarves and flags that had been draped over him, a scarlett and gold knitted hat was pulled down over his head. He had even found a way to charm the megaphone Gryffindor stripes. "He's one of a kind that for sure."

"Why does McGonagall insist on giving a microphone to someone who really loves the sound of his own voice?"

"Because he can charm anything out of anyone. Speaking of," Lily looked at her. "I heard something last Saturday," she began slowly, looking poignantly at Dorcas.

"That the sound of his own voice isn't the only thing he likes," Chris finished for her with a smirk. "And McGonagall isn't the only witch he's taken to charming."

"Something like that. The girls are very taken by the idea," she added.

"Isn't everyone?" Chris agreed. "It's hands down the best thing that's happened to me all year."

"Please," Dorcas rolled her eyes. "It's just a rumour. He makes me laugh, that is all."

"Half the female population of Hogwarts would kill to be in your position," Lily reminded her.

"Well, half the female population of Hogwarts aren't trying to get top grades so they can join the Auror department and do their bit to help sort out this mess that we all seem to have found ourselves in, whilst also trying to stop some idiotic sods who feel the need to do their bit in school. Oh an don't forget to add to that trying to keep some sort of control over the antics of that Sirius Black and his equally idiotic if not equally hilarious partner in crime James Potter. Other girls may have time to swoon over him, I, however," she gave them both a poignant look, "Do not."

Lily nodded. "Right."

"Then there's that argument," Chris added.

Dorcas turned to him. "Perhaps you should sort out your own relationship before you comment on mine."

Lily allowed herself a small smirk as she returned her attention to the pitch.

"Here comes Gryffindor," Sirius was yelling enthusiastically. "Believed to be the strongest Gryffindor team for a number of years they are lead by their Captain James Potter. Behind him his fellow chasers Lauren Richmond and Jane Andrews, then seeker Hestia Jones, keeper Craven Wallis and bring up the rear beaters Robert Smith and Simon Milton. Good luck kids," he finished as the team landed on the ground in front of their Slytherin counterparts.

"The captains will, as is tradition," Sirius informed the crowd grimly. "Shake hands."

Potter and Mulciber were standing in front of each other, both clasping their broomsticks next to Madame Gregory, the Quidditch teacher, it was difficult to tell which face look liked they rather just be given wands and be done with it.

"I wish Potter would just deck him once and for all," Chris muttered. Dorcas hit him.

The crowd was nearly silent. Lily had never seen such determination in Potter's face. His jaw was set; there was none of his playful edge but in its place pure concentration. It happened as if in slow motion, their hands meet for a quick brief handshake.

"Wow that was awkward," Sirius muttered. "Madame Gregory's final words is the request of a fair game," he laughed. "At least you're trying Madame but have you seen whose our opponent is."

"Black," McGonagall warned him, to which he only responded with a winning smile.

"The teams are mounting their brooms, and kicking off. There goes the quaffle, next the bludgers, and finally," he paused as every set of eyes in the crowd watch the tiny gold glint rise and hover in front of the teams for a second, before it was gone. "There goes the snitch. Five, four, three, two, and we're off," he yelled, as the crowd gave an almighty cheer.

Sirius had been correct; from the second the whistle was blown the game was violent. Lily wasn't sure had ever seen a game quite like this. Everything seemed to be moving in a hyper speed as both teams found any means possible to steal the quaffle from the other, whilst the bludgers were being smacked around the air with more ferocity and speed than Lily had originally thought was possible. The game continued in this style for about fifteen minutes, the balls making their way from team to team with angry shouts from the two captains when a player fumbled and lost possession. Lily searched the sky for Hestia who was circling the pitch out of the mess of the rest of the game, her eyes focused as she tried desperately to search for the snitch, even Lily, who knew little about Quidditch, understood that the teams seemed so evenly matched that catching the snitch was going to be the only way to call this one.

But finally, out of nowhere, the break everyone was waiting for came. A Slytherin chaser dropped the quaffle, and Lauren was underneath her catching it. She looped it over the top of another player to Jane who spun down the middle of the teams, passing it to James, who dipped the quaffle around the Slytherin keeper and into the hoop on the left.

"And we're off," Sirius announced triumphantly. "Nice one mate."

Lily cheered her eyes lingering on James for a moment, as he punched the air and flew passed Hestia, but there it was a bludger heading straight in his direction, "Potter," she called out, covering her face with her hands as Potter seemed to have failed to notice the ball that was pelting full speed towards him. But Milton was there within seconds, his beater's bat smashing it right back in the direction of a Slytherin chaser who was now in possession of the Quaffle.

"You do not," Madame Gregory was yelling angrily, her own fist raised to the air, "Attack a chaser unless they are in position of the Quaffle."

Lily slowly peeled her hands back from her face just as the Slytherin's managed to put the quaffle past the Gryffindor keeper, who shot left as the ball went right and into the top hoop.

"Bollocks," was Sirius barley audible exclamation as the groans from three quarters of the crowd nearly drowned out the cheers from the other section.

"Black," MacGonagall warned his severely. "Last warning."

* * *

><p>"You'd have think we'd won the cup," Lily observed as she lent back in her seat to the left of the fire and glanced once more about the Common Room.<p>

"We sort of have," Bertha reminded her, raising her butter beer with a smile.

The Common Room was in the full swinging of a celebration that would have been befitting, if not actually over the top, for such an occasion. Lily hadn't seen a party like it since Gryffindor had won the cup back in her fourth year. Finally, after over two hours of play, which had felt like a lifetime to Lily who had seemed to have spent most of it hiding behind her hands, Hestia had caught the snitch. Gryffindor had won the game 420 to 260. Lily had been swept up in the sea of scarlett and gold celebration. Chris had tugging her along chanting, "Party in the Common Room," in her ear as Dorcas had huffed something about some prefect he was turning out to be.

An assortment of drinks, most notably butterbeer, alongside others that Lily suspected Dorcas might have much more to say about had beensomehow been retrieved from Hogsmead, as well as a number of sweets, while a number of cakes had been fetched from the kitchens. It did not take much to guess who was responsible for the feast; they were usually the two most raucous members of the party, along with help from Remus and Peter and other members of the Quidditch team. Hestia and Lauren were usually on the kitchen runs.

Bertha sighed and looked around the room once more. "There should be more Quidditch games," she muttered.

"I'm not sure people could cope with it."

"Yeah, but there's better Saturday night entertainment." She inclined her head in the direction of the Portrait Hole where Dorcas was standing opposite a slightly worn out Sirius. It seemed she had caught him returning to the Common Room with something she didn't quite approve of. Lily watched as the two stared at each other for a second, and Sirius took her hand, leaning forward to whisper something to her. She quickly pushed him back and swotted him away and he made his way across the Common Room laughing.

"I mean it Sirius Black," she called after him. "Don't you dare-"

But he had already opened his hands, and a series of small fireworks in red and gold erupted around the Common Room with a series of bangs and swooshes. The whole Common Room cheered as Dorcas shook her head, before making off in the direction of Sirius.

"I'm going to go and find Mary," Bertha said standing up. "Some Gryffindor pride she has missing this for a quick snog." Far from affronted she seemed proud. Lily laughed as Bertha made her way through the crowd to the Portrait Hole.

She gazed around the Common Room once more searching for Hestia and Lauren. They were just to the right of the staircase to the boys' dormitories, where a small drinks table had been set up, taking in the party with James and the final chaser Jane, a petite blonde fifth year who had joined the team only the year before. She watched the group for a second her eyes lingering on Potter. There had been whispers about the friendship between Jane and him for a couple of months, that their relationship was starting to stretch to being more than simply Captain and Chaser and from the way he gave her a quick wink as he handed her a bottle of butterbeer Lily wondered if for once the Hogwarts rumour mill might actually be on to something. It would mean that he was over her. I mean why wouldn't he be, the pair of them had barely spoken; she took a long sip of her own drink and thought over her conversation with Dorcas from the week before. It wasn't only Severus who she had been toying with approaching all week, but Potter as well.

Yet she found that she was even more confused as to where to start than with Severus. There was a small part of her that couldn't help but feel her and Potter were better of left in their current state of avoiding each other. After all their relationship from the first five years of Hogwarts had hardly been a pleasant one. She had spent most of those early years hugely disliking him for his arrogance, and the way that he treated others, especially Severus. He had saved Severus' life, that she could not deny, and of course it had changed the way she had seen him but it couldn't change everything. She leaned back in her chair and continued to watch him; perhaps it wasn't only about her anymore. She had not made a greater attempt at a friendship with James before because of her loyalty to Severus but perhaps now she'd owed her loyalty to someone else. For the last five years she had been able to hide away in her their friendship, sure she had been close to the girls in her dormitory but her friendship with Severus had always meant that she had never had the same closeness with them than she had had with him. He had always been her primary confidant, her best friend. Until last year when they began to drift apart until that drift had become irreparable. Now she had found herself spending increasing amounts of time with Hestia and Lauren, both of whom spent a large amount of time with James, so she owed it to them to try and make amends.

"You know he's not that bad."

"Hmm?" she muttered, swallowing the last of her drink as Remus took the seat in front of her. "Who isn't that bad?"

He moved his head in a soft indication of where she had been staring moments before. "James."

"Oh," she began, before merely settling on, "I know."

He gave her a disbelieving look. "If you say so."

"We just have a way of getting off on the wrong foot. Contrary to popular opinion I don't dislike him. I just, I guess I don't know him. Plus he seems to make it his life ambition to wind me up."

"And what's stopping you?'

"I'm sorry?"

"What's stopping you getting to know him."

"I don't know," she considered the question. "Nothing really I suppose. Why do you suddenly care?"

"Because you've been looking at him all night as though there's something you have to say to him but simply can't bring yourself to get up and walk the distance."

Lily smiled. "I'm not really sure what to say to him. I mean I don't know how to start. I told him he made me sick Remus. Not exactly the basis for friendship."

"It was nearly a year ago."

"So he's forgotten all about it?" she asked him.

Remus considered her for a second. "Not exactly."

"And we were never exactly close friends," Lily continued. "I mean it wasn't like what I said that day finally ruined a friendship. To be honest I'd nearly had a go at him countless times before."

"I think a lot of things finally burst that day," he reminded her. "His arrogance is just a front you know. He likes you and you're the only person who has ever turned him down and he's not sure how to handle it. So he shows off more to cover the fact you actually hurt him. That day was no different, he just added public humiliation to the mix."

"Liked me," Lily corrected him.

Remus shrugged. "Either way."

"But the way they are towards Severus," she argued.

"Isn't right," Remus interrupted her quickly. "I never said it was nor will you ever here me say it." Lily felt guilty at the tone of reassurance and guilt that was in his voice. He had never joined in, never even laughed when his friends did anything to Severus. "James and Sirius are not the most rational individuals," he continued, "But it doesn't make them bad people. They have just grown up with a lot of reasons to despise people like Snape. Sirius' family, well, you've seen Regulus around, everyone knows that story. James' is different. Mr Potter has spent his life fighting dark magic that Snape seems so keen to learn and the prejudices against Muggleborns that the Slytherins continue to pursue. He's grown up with this knowledge of what is wrong with the wizarding world and then watched how it nearly destroyed his best friend."

"But that day on the train, that first day," she retorted, needing to justify her reasons to someone. "His mind was set up the moment we walked into that carriage."

"So was Snape's." Remus looked at her poignantly, "And so was yours. That's what I've found the strangest about this whole thing. James is determined and spontaneous. You not so much. You're one of the kindest people I know and yet when it comes to him, there's something that just stops that in you. I mean you gave Snape endless chances and yet you finally started to give James one and you just gave up on him like that."

"That's different," Lily pointed out.

Remus shrugged again, "Perhaps. The way I see it is this you've been staring at him for the last fifteen minutes so I'd go and talk to him before the whole of Gryffindor thinks you're harbouring some unrequited crush, and I'd start with thank you. I mean that is what you want to say to him isn't it."

"Do you ever get sick of being smart Remus?"

"Observant. Here," he passed her a liquorice wand. "And no you don't want to know how I got it." He got up from the chair.

"Remus," she called after him, she wanted to tell him that she knew that he was not the same as his friends. That she knew that he had the greatest reasons to dislike Severus, who had been making sure Lily was aware of the truth about his disappearances for years, but that would involve telling him that she knew what he was. She paused for a second and he looked at her inquisitively. She couldn't bring herself to force him to discuss something he was obviously so keen to avoid and she simply settled on "Thanks."

He nodded at her, maybe he knew anyway she reasoned, and walked away.

* * *

><p>"So you won't hex him then?" Hestia asked him.<p>

"It's still definitely an option," James admitted. "Still it was definitely a good start." He raised his butterbeer bottle with a satisfied smile, "To victory," he declared, "And putting the Slytherins firmly in the place."

"To victory," Hestia, Lauren and Jane agreed, clinking their bottles against his.

"Ah the man of the hour," he declared as Remus approached.

Remus looked at him confused before turning to the girls. "How much has he had?"

"I mean it," James told him. "Your little speech about Quidditch being the way to get him back worked wonders."

"Perhaps they should make me Captain," Remus replied dryly.

"James here can be Head Boy." Hestia added sarcastically.

"Seriously mate, occasionally you talk some sense. I owe you one."

"Several actually," Remus corrected him, indicating in the direction of Lily who seemed to be heading their way. "I'm going to go find Peter," he excused himself.

"We'll come help you," Lauren added, giving Remus an apologetic glance as he looked rather awkward by the idea, before she and Hestia followed him away. "Hey Lils," she greeted her friend as they passed.

"I'll find you later," Jane told him, following the others quickly.

"Hi," he muttered, as she came to stand in front of her.

"Hi," she returned it awkwardly. They stood there looking at each other for what seemed like an age and James cursed himself. Over the summer and the beginning of the school year he'd played this moment over in his head more times than he would ever have admitted to anyone even himself. The moment what she might finally attempt to talk to him and he would, well he wasn't quite sure what he was expected to do, but in all of his practising he had come off as witty and charming. They politely discuss what had happened, things would be explained, and, although he knew forgiven was going to be a stretch, they would be understood. In none of his thoughts was he silent. He looked to the drinks next to him. "Um, did you want a butter beer or something?" he asked.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again. "No that's not, well, actually yes, ok. That would be nice."

He put his own bottle down, before he wordlessly removed a lid from another bottle and passed it to her.

"Thanks," she said, taking a long sip.

He took a drink of his own drink just looking at her trying to find something to say.

"Congratulations," she told him. "On the game."

"Thanks. It was a good game," he agreed smugly. "I mean we played well." He corrected himself frustrated. After all, it had been a good game but why did he feel like everything positive thing he said to her about himself was now bordering on extreme arrogance.

Whether she noticed his tone or just ignored it he wasn't sure but she carried on as if she hadn't heard it. "I mean it, I don't think I could have stood it. If he'd won today."

He had never taken Lily as the kind of girl who was set much in store by Quidditch as far as he was aware she had never shown any interest in the sport aside from turning out to support her own house. Even though two of the girls she shared a dorm with were on the team he had always been under the impression that was more for the house points that the winning the Quidditch cup could give them than the game itself that was important to her. Added to this she had always made it quite clear about her opinions on the effect she believed Quidditch had had on his personal development. He feared saying anything else might make him come off as arrogant so he merely took another long sip of his drink. Lily did the same, turning slightly to look around the Common Room. "It's quite a party," she muttered. "McGonagall's going to go mental if she sees it."

"Probably." The silence returned between them once again and James took another sip of his drink, trying to think of something to say. Perhaps it was best to say nothing but the silence was torture. Although he had long been of the conclusion that she just liked to torture him.

"Look," Lily started softly and hesitantly, laying her drink down on the table beside her. "I didn't actually come here to talk about Quidditch. I wanted to talk to you about," she paused, and he looked at her questioningly. "About last weekend. I wanted to say thank you."

He considered her for a minute. _Thank you_. He couldn't help but smile. She hadn't wanted to discuss last year at all. She had wanted to say thank you but bloody hell she looked nervous doing it. His insides relaxed slightly. "Not a problem," he replied. "So long as your ok?" he hadn't meant it to come out as a question, but his tone gave him away.

"I am," she nodded. "Thank you."

He nodded. Her obvious discomfort, and the way she was continually glancing about the Common Room as if looking for some form of escape route from this conversation was making him feel nervous and something in his head was telling him it was time to quit before anything had the potential to turn sour. "Then I don't think it needs to be mentioned again," he said, leaning down to get her drink and passing it back to her.

Lily looked at the drink for a moment and then back up at James. "It does." He couldn't help but narrow his eyes at her. It was official, she just liked to torture him and, for that matter, it seemed she rather liked torturing herself. "As much as it pains me to admit they might actually be decent wizards they both are and it might of ended worse for me had you not come along and," she paused again and looked down at her drink, "I wouldn't have exactly blamed you for not getting involved in my life, I've been pretty clear about that."

The crease between his brows became more defined as he considered her. "Did you honestly think I would just let them hex you?" there was no disguising the disbelief and annoyance in his tone.

"No," she said. "I mean," she sighed heavily. "After the Defence exam last year I told you I didn't need you to defend me and yet you keep doing it no matter what I say so I just wanted to say thank you for that."

"Oh." So she did want to talk about the Defence exam, James braced himself. "Look," he began slowly. "About what happened last year I wanted to say to you that I'm sorry for what happened. I know that I should have said this nearly a year ago but it wasn't supposed to go the way it did. I know you're not going to believe me but it was supposed to be harmless." He prepared himself for her to argue that point and kept going quickly before she had the time to interrupt. "My head was always the place that day. We'd been in that exam hall all day and Sirius and I, well, we don't do well at being cooped up and Sniv-, Snape," he corrected himself, "He'd been goading us for weeks about, well, it doesn't really matter about what, but I never meant for you to get involved."

"Potter," she began, she had laid her drink back down on the table.

"No, just a second. I didn't want to make excuses for it but there they are anyway. What I wanted to say was I've never meant for you to get involved in anything that happened between Snape and I. Hestia told me how it destroyed your friendship with him and whilst I don't like the guy and I think you can do better, I know you can do better," he corrected himself. "I didn't ever want that. I promise I didn't."

She stared at him for a moment, and James considered whether or not she was going to yell at him. "Why now?" was her tentative reply.

"I'm sorry?"

"Why now?" she repeated the question, this time with greater conviction.

"Um, I know I should have said it months ago but I figured you probably didn't want to hear it but since you swallowed your pride to say thanks I figured now was the time or me to swallow mine."

"Well thank you, again, I guess, but it was slightly unnecessary." She sighed. "You were an arse Potter. The way you treat him, well you know I don't like it, I'm never going to like it but, as much as I'd have liked to have blamed you, what happened, what he said, was really not your fault," she admitted. "Hestia was wrong whilst that day might have finally destroyed my friendship with Severus _you_ did not. Nothing you did that day was right but he didn't have to use the word he said."

"But if I hadn't-"

"He would have said it eventually. You just encouraged it along a bit. It had been happening for ages, years even and I should have admitted it to myself a long time before that. Sure I wish it had happened in a slightly more private setting but you can't have everything in life. It was time that I faced up to the fact that like most people we just took different paths." She smiled. "Well, congratulations on the game," she told him. "Enjoy your night Potter."

"You too," he replied, as she picked up her drink and walked over to join her friends. His head was racing, she didn't blame him, she didn't seem to hate him and her friendship with Snape was definitely over.

"Well, well, well, I think I might need to borrow your glasses Prongs, because I must be seeing things." Sirius was standing in front of him with a smirk.

"Bit like you over there with our dear old Head Girl," James retorted, trying to keep his face neutral.

"Seriously," Sirius lowered his voice slightly. "What the hell was that?" he indicated Lily's retreating back.

"Buggered if I know Padfoot," he replied. He raised the bottle to his lips slowly. He dared think about the meaning of it too much, dared allow himself to read anything more than it was just her doing the right thing, because of course she would do, she was Lily Evans. But he could not silence the small niggle in his mind that told him if he didn't screw this up maybe this could be them turning a corner.


	4. Chapter Three: Thoughts of Strangers

**Chapter Three  
><strong>**Thoughts of Strangers**

_It's been a long year since we last spoke  
><em>_~ For Blue Skies, Strays Don't Sleep_

_March 8__th__ 1977_

"Remember we only have one more class for those of you who will be taking your tests at the end of the month so keep telling yourself-"

"Destination, determination and deliberation," Sirius rolled his eyes, as he stood up. "You'd think we were all thick as planks of wood the way she goes on."

"Some of us are," James said, indicating in the direction of Avery.

"I suppose she's just covering her back," Remus said tiredly. "It's a dangerous business this apparition."

"Dangerous Moony," Sirius exclaimed. "You can't have forgotten lesson one already, its-"

"All in the mind," James finished with an elaborate flourish of his hand, as Remus rolled his eyes. "It is true though," James mused, as they travelled up the main staircase. "I mean my great uncle Maximus was never quite the same after that time he splinched himself."

"What happened?" Peter asked nervously.

"He changed his mind on where he wanted to go at the last minute; he always was an indecisive git, married three times. Anyway, he ended up in two places and they never found a few of his toes." Peter's eyes widened horrified as James continued. "He walks constantly lopsided now, it makes him seem more than a little crazed."

"I remember him," Sirius said. "The one that ran off to France in pursuit of that Veela."

"Maria," James remembered fondly. "I wonder if he ever found her."

"I wish I'd found her," Sirius muttered.

"How old was she again?" Remus asked.

"About forty," Sirius shrugged.

"Forty," Peter repeated.

"Did you not here the bit about the Veela Wormtail, changes everything mate," Sirius told him, reaching into his bag and pulling out a magazine that James had never seen before the front cover of which bore the title Melody Maker and had a picture of a rather dirty looking man and alongside the tagline 'New London Bands To Know.'

"What is that anyway?" James asked Sirius.

"Muggle music magazine. I got it from Mary who borrowed it from Evans."

"Lily?" Peter asked.

"Know any others. I was shocked too," Sirius said in the direction of Remus. "I didn't see her as a rock kind of girl let alone punk. Turns out there more to her than meets the eye."

James could feel Peter's eyes on him and he focused on looking forward letting the conversation occur around him.

"All it takes to earn your respect is a reasonable taste in music," Remus observed. "I'll tell her she has your approval."

"Not entirely," Sirius corrected him. "I tolerate Prongs and Wormy here and they both have a terrible taste in music." Peter made a noise in disagreement but Sirius continued. "And Evans is still a massive high and mighty pain in the arse hence the surprise," he gestured the magazine.

"She's different to what you think," Remus told him.

"Not you as well," Sirius groaned. Suddenly out of nowhere he turned to face James, "Have you spoken to her?" he asked.

"Spoken to who?" James replied.

"Spoken to who?" Sirius repeated rolling his eyes "Spoken to Evans of course."

James looked up at him, and Peter quickly looked down. "Nope, should I have?"

"No, I was just curious. I mean after the Quidditch match you two talked."

"She said thanks for the week before, nothing more," James told him forcefully. "It is no big deal."

Sirius gave him a firmly disbelieving look. "When it comes to you and Evans it's always been a big deal."

"Well now it's not."

The four of them fell into silence as they walked. James thought back over the events of the past two weeks, and to research he had been doing since the Hogsmead weekend, the majority of which was currently residing in the schoolbag. It hadn't been Evans that he had most wanted to talk to since that day but his parents. He had known something suspicious had been going on over the summer holidays when he had first begun to notice the amount of out of Ministry meetings his Dad had been attending, and the growing level of correspondence that bore Dumbledore's unmistakable scrawl. Yet he had not allowed himself to dwell too much on it, just thankful that for once he was not the subject of the increased mail. After all, it had been the first summer that Sirius had stayed with them and he had been determined to make it the best summer his best friend had ever had.

But now things were changing and he didn't like being left in the dark. He wanted answers and he knew that being armed with as many facts, or as many facts as possible, was the only way that he was going to get them. He stopped suddenly, and turned in the direction of the library.

Sirius looked up from the magazine surprised. "Where are you going? I thought we were going to discuss tomorrow night."

"Library," he replied. "I've just remembered I've got those bloody Arithmacy questions to finish for tomorrow," he lied quickly.

"But its only half an hour from curfew," Remus told him.

"Exactly, I'm not going to concentrate on them in there am I. Plus, the sooner I get them done the better, we could all use an early night."

"Look about that-" Remus began.

"Spare me Moony," he shook his head in Remus' direction. "We know what you're going to say. It's dangerous and irresponsible and perhaps we should reconsider but we're not going to." He heaved his bag higher onto his shoulder as Sirius nodded defiantly. "I'll be back in a bit."

* * *

><p><em>March 9<em>_th__ 1977_

Lily hurried down the corridor, bag swinging mercilessly behind her as she glanced at her watch. She was already late for class. It was typical that she would have been up so late last night double checking the homework that she had left it on bedside table and was now going to be late for class and if there was one thing she really didn't need it was detention. She quickened her pace despite her now ragged breathing. Watching Sirius and Potter one afternoon last year had told her that if she took the short cut from behind the usually empty painting at the end of this corridor she would practically be inside the Arithmacy classroom. She turned the corridor and stopped dead still, panting slightly as she stared at him. He was standing right next to the painting, black hair hanging limply over his face, his hand shoved deep inside the pockets of his robes and he glanced about him with a nervous air. Momentarily she considered turning back and taking the long way to class but she knew that would make her well over fifteen minutes late. She watched Severus scuff his shoes against the floor as he waited and with a firm sigh she adjusted her bag onto her shoulder and fixed a determined look upon her face and made her way towards him.

"Hello Severus," she greeted him quietly as she approached.

He looked up from the floor and instantly removed his hands from his robes. "Lily," he stuttered, "Shouldn't you be in class."

She stared at him shocked, not even questioning how he knew her timetable. They hadn't spoke in months and now all he could do was question he tardiness. A now familiar resentment towards him began to rise up inside her. "Yes," she replied evenly, "Running late."

"Oh," he returned his hands to his pockets and looked down towards the floor.

"How are you Severus?"

"Fine," he answered shortly. "You?"

"Fine," she returned. She watched him for a second. He raised his to nervously glance around the corridor and she realised that he was waiting for something, or more accurately someone. All of the things that she had promised herself she would say to him the next time they spoke vanished as the resentment began to build into anger.

"Listen Lily," he broke the silence nervously. "You're going to be really late for class and I'd hate for you to get detention for being caught hanging around in the corridor, we are both prefects after all."

"It never bothered you before," she retorted harshly.

His body recoiled slightly at her words. "We're sixth years now," he reasoned calmly. "Everything little thing we do is monitored. Don't you wish to be head girl?"

"If it means changing everything I have done these last few years then I don't think I do. After all, you are the one hanging around the corridor as well," she defended quickly.

He looked at her for a second. "I have something I need to do."

The apologetic glance he gave her made her feel momentarily guilty for her tone but the way he warily glanced once more up and down the corridor told her everything she needed to know about who he was waiting for. The anger was back, this time not only directed at Severus but at herself. She had been such an idiot to think that he was ever going to change. That perhaps if she had spoken to him about everything that had happened, told him about what Avery and Mulciber had done to her then he would somehow come round. But he knew. Of course he knew. He may not have been involved in gossip or anything of that sort but he was a watcher. Had that not been something that had attracted her to his company all those years ago, the fact that he knew more than anyone she had ever met just by watching and studying. After all, had it not been Severus that had taught her the power that was held in silence. That it was not always necessary to be involved in the action but to simply sit and observe the world would always tell you more. She made to walk past him.

"Listen Lily," he began.

"Don't bother," she told him, turning so her face was inches from his own. "I have to go anyway or else I'll be later than I already am, so don't worry your friends won't have to see you with the likes of me."

"Its not like that," he tried to assure her, grabbing her arm and spinning her back round to face him. There was a clatter somewhere in the distance and he dropped her arm quickly as though she had burned him.

She shook her head. "Trust me, after the way they cornered me on the way to Hogsmead I have no desire for a reunion."

"What are you talking about?" he whispered.

"I have to get to class," she muttered before turning on her heel and walking away. For a second she thought he might call out to her but there was nothing but silence and so she dodged around the painting and down the passageway. She thought bitterly that there were two things she really could have done without that morning, detention and a run in with Severus, and judging by the time she was now likely to get both.

It was by some stroke of pure luck that she managed to get to class before Professor Mullins. The whole class looked up at her as she opened the door and she muttered greetings to a few as she quickly hurried to her seat. Minutes after she had sat down she could still feel Potter gazing at her and she ignored it. Of course it wasn't his fault, as easy as it might be to blame him, but she hated that he had been right. That he had known all along what she had been too ignorant and blind, or perhaps to hopeful that it wouldn't be true, to see; that in the end Slytherin house would get to them all. A part of her wanted to go back to the corridor, although whether it was to yell at Severus or to discover who he had been waiting for she couldn't decide. Instead she set about unpacking her books, bringing out of the bag with them the letter from her Dad. She turned it over and broke the seal, wondering why her hands had begun to shake.

"I'm sorry I'm late," the always quiet yet stern voice of Professor Mullins as usual seemed to arrive through the door before the its owner and Lily dropped the letter onto the desk. Mullins, the figure, followed the voice and he made his way into the classroom, moving quicker than a man his age with a cane should have been able to, and hurrying towards the front. "As we're running late if you could all place your homework to the edge of your desks and I'll collect it once we're underway."

There was a general scraping of chairs and rustling of bags and papers as the class fulfilled the task as Mullins laid down the briefcase he constantly carried, despite the fact he always taught in the same classroom, and turned the blackboard with his wand. "The changing of the multiple," he announced and with a flourish the words appeared in chalk in front of them. "You will have all prepared by reading the Chapter of course but let us just go through the key points and processes one more time."

Lily opened her textbook and quickly tucked her Dad's letter between the front two pages before turning to Chapter Eleven and fixing her gaze on Mullins and the numbers that he was moving about on the blackboard. She knew that Potter's eyes were still staring at her back and she wished him away. As she placed the nib of her quill onto the parchment and began to take notes, she cursed the letter, cursed Snape and cursed Potter for refusing to look away from her.

* * *

><p>"Bugger it," he swore, as he reached the bottom of his bag. "Stupid sodding quill," he muttered under his breath. Of course it would snap in the one class that he didn't have with any of the other Marauders. He pushed aside some of the loose crumpled parchment that had accumulated at the bottom of his bag, berating himself inwardly; firstly, for not cleaning the thing out and, secondly, for never checking whether Sirius had taken the spare quill which he was sure he had been in there last week. Naturally, of course, this had to happen in the class in which the nearest person to him was Lily. For a moment he considered just put up his hand and asking Mullins for a quill, but after his and Sirius' antics in the class last year he was still slightly surprised, and a little curious as to why, he had been allowed back to take the NEWT in the first place. He had a strange feeling that perhaps Dumbledore or his parents had something to do with it and to admit to being unprepared would be adding more fuel to Mullins already well fed fire. Especially as James had a very good idea about who was responsibility for this morning's display of Dungbombs that would have delayed the professor's path from the his office to the classrom.<p>

He could just sit in silence and listen and then go over the chapter again later but this topic was bound to come up in the exam and Arithmacy was the subject he struggled most it. The rules, as James saw it, were simple, his parents and Professors, although not always happy about his escapades at Hogwarts tolerated them so long as his grades didn't slip. He knew, after many warnings on the subject, that once that happened they might considered revoking the one position that did mean something to him - Quidditch captain. Plus, his parents only had him, and, as a favour to him, they were now caring for Sirius, he owed them to at least keep up his end of the bargain. There was nothing for it he was going to have to ask her. It was a full moon tonight ther was no way he was going to have the time to do several hours of Arithmacy work before the next class as well.

"Evans," he whispered, leaning forward in his seat. "Evans."

She seemed to be making notes but he wondered if she was really even paying any attention. She had run into class nearly fifteen minutes late, and looked to James like she wasn't sure whether or not she'd rather punch something or cry. Of course no matter how hard he had tried to ignore her his curiosity had been piqued and he couldn't help glancing at her back trying to work out whether or not she was ok. The amount of times he had spent watching her, as well as the amount of times he had been the one to annoy her told him quite easily that she was pretty livid about something.

"Hey, Evans, Evans. Lily," he hissed and she turned around sharply.

"What?" she snapped.

"Sorry," he raised his hands and tried to lower his voice, "I just wondered if you had a spare quill."

"A spare-"

"Quill?" he repeated, miming the act of writing. "Mine just snapped." He mimed that as well to be sure.

She stared at him for a moment, as if frozen until slowly she nodded. "Um, yeah. Hang on." She turned back around and went into her bag. A few seconds later she pulled out a quill and turned around to hand it him.

"Thanks," he mouthed quickly before she could turn away from him. He briefly considered asking her if she was alright but she had already started to make notes again and with a small shake of his head he set about doing the same.

This class went the same as every Arithmacy class that had come before it, and probably every other that Mullins would ever teach, although considering the man's age James didn't think there could be too many of those left. Once the basics of the problem had been covered they set about answering questions for the majority of the lesson, any that were unfinished were to be completed for homework. This left nearly an hour of silence, which was occasionally interrupted by a student checking an answer, and, as always, James spent this hour inwardly debating why he signed up for the stupid class in the first place.

For that he blamed his mother. He could hear her voice ringing in his ear, telling him tiredly to 'keep his options open as long as possible.' He knew her heart was in the right place. He supposed had she not had a knack for Arithmacy she would never have been offered an opportunity at Gringotts and would, in all likelihood have followed the same path as the other women in her family - married to a good breeding partner before she had got off the Hogwarts Express. However even this did nothing to make the five hours a week go any faster.

He wished he had taken time to ask her more about what it had been like growing up in such traditional pureblood environment. The Potter's had always been known for the democratic politics, and slightly off the wall ways, but his mother's family the opposite. As a child he had spent so much time making excuses to avoid hearing about another Potter family ancestor who had done something or another, whether it be momentous or down right stupid, that he had never considered how little she spoke of her own family. He had thought more about it when he had first met Sirius but had still never asked. Now, as began to dig deeper into the history around the development of Voldemort and his followers, he regretted how little he knew about her history and the how difficult it must have been for her. For all the political information that his father was sure to be able to give him it was his mother that he felt might actually have the greater understanding of what was going on outside the castle walls.

Of course, as much as he tried to ignore or argue against it, thoughts of what was going on always bought him somehow back to Lily. The final reason he regretted the class was it made it even more difficult to keep up the deal that James had made with himself at the beginning of this school year. No more pining after Lily Evans.

The minute hand on the clock above Mullins desk inched another fraction towards the hour and James waited his hand already on the zip of his bag. As if moving in slow motion Mullins laid his quill down on the desk and surveyed his class. Fifteen expectant faces stared back at him. "Please finish the questions before Friday," he smiled at them. "You may make your way to your next class."

There was a scraping of chairs as his classmates stood and began to group together their things. James shoved his notes roughly into his bag before standing up. He paused holding the quill for a moment and looked at Lily. He chastised himself for the nerves he felt. "It's just a sodding quill you muppet," he muttered under his breath, "Do it," before he made his way around his deak and towards hers.

She turned abruptly as she placed her bag onto her shoulder and so he found himself directly in front of her face. "Potter," she exclaimed quickly, stepping back in shock narrowly missing her chair with the back of her thigh.

"Hi," he greeted nervously, holding out of the quill to her quickly. "Thanks for this," he added quickly. He could practically see Padfoot rolling his eyes at the stupidity of the situation and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Oh thanks," she took it gingerly from him. "Don't worry about it." They stood there for a few seconds facing each other. "I should probably get to Transfiguration," she said. "Are you heading that way?" It was a pointless question, regardless of the size of the class James' presence was always felt, especially Transfiguration where any frustrations his head of house had over his rule breaking were put to the test by his natural talent for the subject. It seemed most of the time she was actually waiting for him to challenge her in order that she could remark 'Well it is interesting you should say that Mr Potter?'

"Yeah," James nodded. "Meant to be."

"Ok." She took a step towards him.

James wasn't entirely sure if that had been an invitation to accompany her to their next class or just an attempt to fill the silence but he walked alongside her anyway. She paused slightly to wait for him as he closed the classroom door behind them and he took that to be a sign that no matter how uncomfortable she might seem she wasn't completely against the idea. His stomach did a little somersault at the thought.

"Evans, are you alright?"

"I'm sorry," she asked.

"I was just wondering," he tried again. "If you were alright?" He could hear the sound of Sirius laughing at him in his head.

She was staring at him blankly, clearly unsure what to make of him. "I'm fine Potter. Yourself?"

"Good thanks."

They walked in silence throughout the corridors and it wasn't until they had reached the Transfiguration corridor that James finally had the courage to ask her, "What I meant to say, to ask you I mean, is has something upset you?"

"What?" she looked up at him quickly and he averted his eyes.

"Its just, well, you were attacking your parchment rather forcefully back there, as though it had wronged you in some way." He looked up at her and instantly regretted it as he eyes looked as if they were beginning to fill with tears. She looked down at the floor quickly and James suddenly realised the possibility of this conversation making her cry. Not for the first time he decided that simply being in her presence was a bad idea for him.

"Just having a bad day that's all," she mumbled.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope. Not really," she shook her head. "Would much rather hit something," she added giving him a small smile.

"Right," he muttered, returning her smile. "I guess I would be best to keep quiet then," he joked.

She chuckled slightly. "I'm sorry that I snapped at you before."

"It's alright," he assured her. "Not the first time."

They continued in silence down the corridor.

"Can I ask you something," he turned to notice that she had stopped a few paces behind him and he took a step back. "If you don't mind."

He nodded slowly. "Sure, anything."

"Do you think one day it won't be an issue?" she asked him. "My being a muggle."

He hesitated for a moment, considering her. It was a pretty loaded question. He took a breath, "Firstly," he began, "You are not a Muggle," he reminded her softly. "Not that it matters either way but you are a Muggleborn witch, not a Muggle. Even if you might sometimes want to be one," he added. It was a guess but she didn't correct him and so he continued.

"As for your question, I guess that depends who you're asking about. For some of us it isn't, hasn't ever been and never will be but unfortunately for others you'll be waiting generations."

"Oh," she replied with a nod.

He wanted to reach out a hand and touch her arm but he felt that might be overstepping the mark, so instead he simply said, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she assured him. She stood there for a second more staring at him. "You might need this," she told him handing him back the quill slowly. "I'm not sure it is wise to rely on one of your friends to have a spare."

It was a diversion tactic and he knew it and he momentarily wished he had the courage, or the time before McGonagall arrived, to continue to conversation; to ask what it was really like for her but he didn't. "I was going for Remus," he admitted.

"True," she smiled. "At least one of you has a brain." He chuckled a little at that. "Seriously keep it just in case."

"Thanks, I'll get you a new one."

"Don't worry about it."

The moment was over and he knew it and they both continued the few more steps towards the classroom. He swung the door open letting her through. In one quick moment his courage returned and before he had time to doubt himself he placed a quick hand on her arm. "You belong here Lily," he whispered to her. "Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise."

He didn't wait for a response and removed his arm quickly but she turned towards him and he was sure a faint smile crept about her face before she turned away and made her way towards the girls. A feeling of lightness seemed to take over him and he grinned before he walked towards his own seat, punching Sirius on the arm in greeting.

* * *

><p><em>March 10th 1977<em>

By the following evening Lily had still not replied to her father's letter or made any progress on her Defence essay and instead sat staring at the piece of blank parchment in front of her. Since she had arrived in the library over an hour ago all she had successfully achieved was turning the pages of her textbook mindlessly. Mary continued raise her eyes from her own work to give her questioning glances to which Lily would drop her own and pretend to read. She had come to the library with two tasks; neither of which were difficult, and yet she couldn't seem to start either.

She placed her palms to her eyes and rubbed them, telling herself to concentrate. All she wanted to do was pick up the piece of parchment and reply to her father telling him the truth about everything. It was more than not wanting to worry him, he was so excited by the possibilities that magic could bring to her, in much the same way she had been when she had first met Severus. He had also been thrilled that she had finally found somewhere that she could belong and fit in and she didn't want to ruin that for him. Perhaps she also didn't want to finally ruin it for herself.

"Hey Lily," Mary had laid down her quill and was beginning to roll up the essay she had been working on. "I'm done, do you need to finish anything else? I can wait."

"You're finished? That was quick."

"Not really," Mary replied giving her a confused look. "We've been in here for two hours, it's nearly curfew."

Lily looked down at her watch and said nothing.

"Are you alright Lil?" Mary asked.

"Yeah," Lily nodded. "Just easily distracted today I suppose. I do need to finish this letter I suppose." She took one look at the blank parchment and her Dad's letter.

"Do you mind if I go, I wanted to head past the Hufflepuff Common Room before curfew?"

"Go on."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'll be fine, go and see your boyfriend and I'll meet you back in the Common Room," she said. "It shouldn't take me too long."

"Thanks Lils you're the best," Mary replied, gathering the last of her things into her bag and standing up. "See you in a bit."

She had often wondered why she didn't confide in Mary. As a Muggleborn she had been through everything that Lily had and must have the same unspoken fears but their relationship had been strained in the early days, something Lily still felt guilty about. Mary, like all the other girls, had never understood Lily relationship with Severus, who bullied Mary as he did every other Muggleborn. Lily remember the way Mary had told her Severus was waiting for her outside the Common Room the night following their Defence OWL, the look in her eye seemed to challenge Lily to forgive him this time, whilst the way she said his name was with a hatred Lily had never heard from her friend.

She looked up as a familiar voice was greeting someone to see James Potter walking down the aisle to the left of her seat. He did not notice her, or if he did he chose not to look in her direction. This was the second night evening this week she had seen him in the library and he had walked Mary back at curfew the night before. She wondered he was doing here without his friends, it was a very rare sight indeed that he would be without Sirius Black, and the fact that he would dismiss time with the others to spend it alone in the library was pretty much unheard of. Although she was not close to him Lily had been in his house and his classes long enough to know that there was no need for James Potter to spend any more time studying than he already did.

Of course it wasn't the fact that he was in the library that was disturbing to her, it was the fact that she yet again felt the need to talk to him. It was stupid really. He probably would have said what he had said to her to any Muggleborn, she knew he had once had such a conversation with Mary. It wasn't as if they were friends, she had long ago come to the conclusion that was never going to be a possibility. But there was one thing about James Potter that was certain. He had a way of surprising everyone and turning people's opinions of him on their heads, she supposed that's why he fascinated people as much as he did. He didn't have the looks or natural charm of Sirius but somehow out of the two people gravitated towards him. Whether it be saving someone's life, a simple sentence, or the brand new quill that was sitting in her place in Potions that morning, James Potter had a way getting under your skin, or, if she was being precise, her skin.

She returned her palms to her eyes and rubbed them once again. She knew she was never going to work and if she hurried she could catch Potter and thank him for the quill. She folded the still blank letter and pushed it into her bags with the rest of her belongings.

He had disappeared by the time she had made it out of the library and so she quickened her step in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room. As she walked she couldn't get the words out of her head, _You belong here Lily_. She knew that. The girls had been telling her that for years, so why did it make such a difference when James Potter said them? Because of who he is, the voice in her head answered. It was true. He was James Potter, Charlus Potter's son. Slytherin's would have killed to have the wizarding heritage that he had and yet he didn't care. She turned the corner and he came into view.

"Jane," he called out.

Lily paused for a second, slowing her walking pace until she was still. She hadn't even noticed the figure that was walking in front of Potter. Jane turned and Lily noticed her smile as he approached. "Evening Captain," she heard her greet James. They stood for a second side by side, for a moment she strained to try and here what they were saying but it was no good. Instead she just stood there motionless as they laughed together. Did this mean they were...

She didn't even have time to finish the thought. The sound of footsteps in the other direction made her turn her head. He was wearing his heavy outdoor cloak, and was checking left and right about him as he hurried down the corridor turning down the back staircases. She turned to look in the direction to her own Common Room, but Potter and Jane had vanished oblivious to what she had seen. She paused for a second. She knew she should head back to the Tower. After all she had promised herself that she would give up only yesterday morning but it was no good, and she hitched up her bag and hurried after Severus.

She followed him closely until they reached the side of the Entrance Hall and then she stopped and hung back. Slowly she watched him look left, then right and left again before he hurried his way across the marble flooring to the main doors. She lent back against the wall into the shadows and wondered quickly what was she getting herself into. She had no idea where he was going, but the forest seemed a safe assumption, and she had no idea what he was going to meet, although she could make some fairly accurate guesses. All in all it didn't seem like it was going to end well for her. Or Snape, if the others discovered her presence.

She breathed in and out and watched his figure begin to fade into the darkness outside. It was no or never, once she lost him to the darkness she knew better than to try and find him in the forest. Why did it bother her? The question repeated itself over and over in her head. Why did she still care? She shook her head firmly and banished the question away before checking left and right herself, and following Snape's pathway towards the door.

* * *

><p>James' eyes narrowed as watched the map, or more accurately the dot labelled Lily Evans as it moved back through the main doors and into the Entrance Hall.<p>

"Well," Sirius asked, from the foot of his bed, "Is it clear?"

"No," James snapped, as he watched the other dot, labelled Severus Snape walk away in the other direction towards the forest.

"Who?"

"Bloody Snape, is who," James replied angrily. Of course, he was going to be out tonight, the stupid git was always hanging around on the full moon hoping to catch them out, but what was Lily doing with him?

"Fucks sake," Sirius muttered. "What the hell is he doing at this time of night?" he asked, reaching for the map James was holding.

"What do you think?" Peter replied. "Same as always," he walked over to his own bed and lay down.

"It's still early," James mumbled. "Mischief managed," he told the map, before curling it away and putting it out of the Sirius' reach. "Curfew is only just passed. Let's give him twenty minutes, if he doesn't see us he'll bugger off."

"But-"

"It's not worth it Pads," Peter reminded him tiredly. "It's really not worth it."

Sirius shrugged and walked across the room as James lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. _Like most people we just took different paths. _He had gone over that conversation so many times in the last two weeks, had dissected it word for word. He clenched his fists, why would she have lied to him? Why would she not, the voice in his answered. They weren't friends, he reminded himself, they weren't even close to being friends. He was just the tosser who had believed that one conversation was going to change things but of course it wasn't.

But it wasn't just him she was lying to this time. Hestia had promised him that the day by the lake had destroyed whatever was left of their friendship. He had spent the summer reliving that day in his head, feeling guilty, trying to think of anyway to go back and change it for her. He clenched his fists tighter as anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach. This time was it, he promised himself, no more pining over Lily Evans.

* * *

><p>"Lily?"<p>

She spun quickly in direction of the voice. She stood still as Chris slowly made his way down the main stairs towards her, an eyebrow raised and a small smirk on his face.

"Evening Lily," he greeted her smugly.

"Hi," she replied quickly.

They stood there facing each other for a few seconds before Chris asked, "You going to tell me what you're doing out here?"

"Nothing," she lied quickly.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Nothing?" he repeated. "You can tell you're new to this troublemaking business, has no one ever told you that nothing sounds extremely guilty, always best to have an excuse up your sleeve."

"Stayed late in the library," she muttered.

"And decided to take the long way back to the Common Room via the lake?" he asked, the smirk growing and turned and began to walk back the way he had came.

She shrugged and made to follow him. "Something like that. I was heading back to the Common Room but just realised fancied some air," she muttered sheepishly.

"Some air?" he asked her, as he lead the way through the Entrance Hall. "I'm sure as a Prefect you are aware that rules are rules."

"You're not going to dock points are you?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "No, not for a first offence," he smiled at her, "Although actually I rarely dock points at all. Don't tell Dorcas," he added as an after thought.

"Thanks," Lily smiled at him. "Hang on," she asked quickly. "Shouldn't there be two of you patrolling every night."

Chris stuttered for a second. "Sarah couldn't make it," he told her. "There was this Potions homework she had to finish."

"Potions homework?" Lily repeated with a raised eyebrow.

Chris nodded before he shook his head. "I guess I'm not so great at this lying business either. She hasn't spoken to me in about two weeks, if you don't count evil glares across breakfast, and she's avoiding doing rounds together."

"Have you told Dorcas?"

"Nope," he replied. "And please don't. She'll change the rounds schedule and I kept half hoping that she might turn up next time and listen to me rather than instructing her friends to tell me to shove it. I never knew but Hufflepuffs can be feisty when they want to be. I'm an eighteen year old bloke for Merlin's sake, surely that entitles me to a moment of indecision."

"She's hurting."

"Thanks for reminded me Lily," he said sarcastically, as they reached the top of the main staircase.

"I mean she just needs some time, I'm sure she'll come round eventually."

"Perhaps. Anyway, Lily is there anything you want to talk about? Maybe the real reason that you were hanging around the main hall past curfew for example."

"Can we not?"

He shrugged. "Sure, but I'm here if you need me, you know, and not just as a Prefect, as a friend."

She let them fall into silence for a second. Perhaps she could confide in him, but truth be told she wasn't sure what she would say. She didn't even know what she wanted advice about, if anything. She had followed Snape for answers but confiding in Chris would never get her those.

"Are you scared Chris?" she asked him.

He looked surprised by the question, and his face faltered for a second as he turned to look at her. "About what?"

"About what's going on outside of Hogwarts."

He looked down at the floor for a second. "Sure, I mean isn't everyone and my whole family is in the Ministry somehow, Marlene has just joined the Department of Law Enforcement," he added. "Which doesn't really sound a safe place for your sister to be working right now but people are fighting back. People will always fight back," he said.

Lily flinched a little at the word fight and Chris stopped walking to turn and face her. "Are you sure you're alright Lily? What's happened? What's someone been saying to you?"

"Nothing," she shook her head. "No one's said or done anything, not since last week anyway." She sighed. "I've just been thinking about it a lot I suppose since what happened on the way to Hogsmead, and I know I shouldn't be letting them get to me but," she trailed off quietly.

Chris reached down and grabbed her hand. "Don't let them do this Lily. Promise me that whatever happens don't let them get this far under your skin." He squeezed her hand. "It's not going away, everyone knows that, but that you just have to try your best not to let them get so far under your skin." He smiled at her weakly and dropped her hand, before slinging his arm around her shoulder and leading her towards the Common Room. "I know it's crap advice but what happens outside Hogwarts, or inside Hogwarts I suppose, is out of our control for now. We just have to try and be normal and not let it get to us."

"It's not that easy though is it?"

"Of course it isn't. But it hasn't come to a head yet and, anyway, as hard as it is to admit it there's a limited amount we can do inside Hogwarts. Look the way I've come to see it is this, we only get to be here once and we should make the best of it, the rest of the world is going to be there for the rest of our lives."

"You make a good point."

"I make many good points every day Lily," he smiled at her. "Look we have enough problems as teenagers to deal with anyway."

"Like Sarah?"

He nodded grimly, "Im actually going backwards. I tell you sorting out Voldemort might actually be easier than sorting of this mess."

She rolled her eyes at this. "She will forgive you," Lily promise. "Just don't give up."

They reached the Portrait Hole, "Expecto patronum," he told the Fat Lady and the portrait swung forward for them.

"It'll be fine Lily," he told her. "Just try and enjoy yourself." He inclinded his head in the direction of Dorcas, who had looked up from whatever she was reading to wave them over. "Why do you really think she's spending time with Sirius, it's because everyone need to forget about everything once in a while and just laugh."

"Any problems?" Dorcas asked them, laying her book down the second they got within speaking distance of her armchair.

Chris shook his head as Dorcas turned her head to look inquisitivaly at Lily. "Nope, no problem," Chris confirmed. "And I saw Lily on her way back from the library we had nearly finished patrols so I figured after what happened you would find it very un-prefect like of me to allow her walk back to the Common Room on her own." Chris gave Dorcas a winning smie.

Dorcas rolled her eyes at him, "Are you looking for a gold star?" she asked.

"Oh don't worry about that. I'll talk a sneaky look at your Defence homework instead if you really want to say thank you," he replied, throwing himself into the chair opposite Dorcas.

"You will not," she told him, grabbing roll of parchment he had gone for out of his reach. "That took me hours."

Chris looked up at Lily and smiled.

"Thanks," she mouthed at him before giving a small wave and making her way towards the girls staircase.

She pushed open the door to the dormitory and hurried toward her bed, throwing herself on it and closing her eyes.

"You were out late." Lily sat up with a start to look at Hestia who was sitting on the floor beside her own bed, rifling through her trunk. "I mean it's not like you to miss curfew," she clarified, before returning to searching for whatever it was she was missing.

"Library," Lily lied quickly, before lying her head back down on the bed. "I lost track of time that's all."

Hestia raised an eyebrow at that, but did not look up from her trunk. Silence took over the dormitory for a while and Lily just stared at the ceiling, trying to think everything through. That had been her chance, the one chance to find out everything, but the truth was perhaps it was best she didn't know. She knew who she was going to see him talking to, there was doubt in her mind about that but once she saw that it was over. He had chosen their side, the side that was determined to get rid of people like her. In truth it had been going down this road since the second he placed the sorting hat on his head but now she was admitting it. She was giving up and letting go.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hestia asked softly, as she stood up from the floor, clutching a textbook. "I mean you can tell me that everything is fine, or whatever, and I'll let it go, but I'm here if you want to talk about it." She came to sit on the end of Lily's bed.

"Thanks Hes', but I'm ok, honestly," she replied. "Just tired."

"Alright. Don't do this alone Lily, just promise me you won't."

She nodded closing her eyes.

**Author's Note:** Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews and comments are always appreciated.


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